After the door closed
the footsteps died away
a tear rolled down my cheek.
That's it...
She just left me here.
I had never been in a place so clean and white.
There was no color
it made me want to vomit.
I ran to the window, yelling her name.
"Mom! Mom come back!"
As I watched her drive away
I felt my heart crumble into dust.
Turning, I found a nurse standing in the doorway.
"Time for your EKG..."
She lead me to a back room.
She stuck wires to my chest, and turned on the machine.
The sound was deafening...
I closed my eyes
trying to imagine I was home.
When I opened them, the wires were gone
the machine was off.
I was lead back to my room
the room that I never left.
Unless I had visitors.
All I did was sit in a chair
look out the window
searching for my mom's car.
Kobacker was my own personal Hell.
I couldn't eat
I couldn't sleep.
I just wanted to go home.
For 5 days I was stuck in that pit of despair.
I had visitors, but the one person I really wanted to see,
never came.
My dad...
I just wanted him to tell me, "Everything will be ok."
But he didn't.
My Pastor from church
my former Youth Minister
they visited me.
Even though I was constantly being visited
surrounded by nurses
I had never felt so alone.
It was finally time for me to go home
the doctor told my mom that I didn't want to get better...
That's not true...
None of my triggers were in that hole...
They are all in the outside world.
