When Love Heals - A Niall Horan Fanfic

Chapter Thirty Nine.

I swear it's so much better if you play the song on the side as you read.

Get ready.

Please don't hate me.
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The worst day of Niall, Meredith, Karen, Carmen, even Doctor Hanson's lives came the day after Niall decided he wanted to propose.

Lydia had been feeling ill, really ill. She could barely move because she was so weak and she just felt... well, she felt like death.

But Doctor Hanson claimed that the treatment was working. The tumour, in fact, was almost gone, all the cells had died and now they were just making sure it stayed away. He said they only needed a few more days of treatment to ensure that it was not going to make a comeback again and then... there was a possibility that she might even be completely fine.

Lydia just nodded gratefully at the news and managed to mumble out a thanks to the old doctor. But somehow, even with all the encouraging words, she knew that she might not make it another few days.

"Baby, I don't think we should go and see the stars tonight," Niall said softly, pressing a swift kiss to her sweaty forehead. She had a fever and the nurses had been bringing her cold flannels and giving her medication for it but nothing seemed to be working. She was burning up so hot, Niall was pretty sure he could cook a pizza on her skin.

He had a really, really bad feeling in his gut

"I want to though," Lydia whispered, her eyes shut. She barely even had the strength to open them any more.

"Tomorrow, yeah?" He reasoned, knowing that he shouldn't take her away from all the IV drips and the heart monitors and everything that was helping to keep her alive.

Lydia finally found it in her to open her eyes and stare at Niall. It was as if she suddenly had an epiphany... She couldn't leave it till tomorrow.

"No." She said firmly, her voice a bit croaky form not using it too much. "Niall, we have to go tonight."

"Why, babe?" He frowned, pushing some strands of her off her forehead.

"Because we'll see a shooting star tonight. I just know it, Ni."

She didn't bother adding that she also knew she wasn't going to make it to tomorrow.

***

So that's why Lydia found herself being wheeled quietly to the roof, like she had been for the past few days. It was a tradition that she felt like she would do forever if she could; her favourite part of the day.

Niall lifted her out of the chair and sat her down on his lap, as they stared across the bright lights of the city and up into the sky. The navy blue of the universe seemed even darker than usual tonight, even more little stars lighting up the sky. Like they all knew that they had to make this night special.

"I love you so much," Niall whispered into Lydia's ear, her hair tickling his cheek. "I love you, I love you, I love you."

Lydia giggled, despite her nausea and despite the sudden overwhelming feeling that this was probably her last night on earth. She didn't know how she knew for sure. Sure, she felt terrible, but she had felt this ill before. There was just a feeling, a growing feeling in her stomach telling her to make the most of every minute and she just knew that something bad was going to happen tonight.

"I love you too, goofball." She twisted her head to the side and let Niall capture her lips in between his. The kiss was soft, passionate. Their lips moved perfectly in sync, as if they were created just for each other, only each other and no one else.

Lydia never used to believe in soulmates. Now? She wasn't so sure. She just wished she had known Niall earlier, been able to spend more time with the boy who she loved more than the sun loves the planets, more than the waves love the shore.

Her fingertips tingled wherever they touched his bare skin. Her heart ached when they were apart.

She knew she had found her soulmate. And she knew she was about to leave him.

"Ni, I..." She began, but then in the end didn't really know what to say. After all, what was there to say to the boy who had given her more than she ever could have needed?

"What baby?" He mumbled into her hair, pressing another kiss there, always finding excuses to kiss her.

"You just make me really happy," she shrugged, realising there was no point in trying because there were no words to express her thanks to him. To thank him for loving her. For making her laugh, making her cry. For leaving her but always coming back. For making Carmen happy. For supporting her. For giving her the strength to live, because she knew without him she would have already given up.

"You have made me the happiest person in the world, Lyd," Niall countered and then they were both silent.

They sat quietly, each letting memories run through their brains. Memories of their first date, of their first argument, their first and only break up. Of their first kiss, their last kiss, of the happy times and the bad times. The times that they would never change even if they could go back and do it all over again. Because it had been hard and it had been stressful and it really shouldn't have worked but it did because they were perfect for each other. And they would never find anyone else who complimented them like Lydia did for Niall and Niall did for Lydia.

And then, as if their minds were one, they both glanced up to the same spot in the sky at the same moment where suddenly a trail of silver shot across the sky.

"Lydia!" Niall gasped. "A shooting - a shooting star!"

Lydia's mouth was dropped open. "I saw," she whispered, staring at the fading line of fairy dust illuminating the spot where it had been.

And then Niall demanded that she close her eyes and she did, then dictating that they both make a wish, and wish it harder than anything they had ever wished before, because a shooting star wasn't something that happened often and Niall claimed this was obviously fate, obviously a sign that it was meant to be.

So they each clamped their eyes shut and of course, Niall wished that Lydia would stay alive to grow old with him. He wished harder than anything, squeezing his eyes shut to the point of pain and fisting his hands so little crescent shapes were made in his palms from the sharp digging of his blunt fingernails, as if this would all help make his wish just that little bit stronger.

But Lydia didn't bother wishing for her life. She realised that for some reason, the world didn't seem to want her to stay. Maybe this was how it was always meant to be, she supposed. Maybe she wasn't ever meant to make it past twenty.

So instead, she just wished that Niall would be happy. Her mouth moved silently with the words to please keep Niall happy. To please, please, please find some way that Niall won't live his life being sad because he was too much of an amazing person for that.

An that's all she wanted really, for him to have a good life. And if he was going to be okay, then she could die happy.

She opened her eyes after a minute, blinking to get rid of the blurs. She didn't make Niall open his for a few moments, just taking a second to look at him, really look at him. To marvel in the way his eyebrows were furrowed in concentration, his bottom lip quivering in determination. To smile at how pink the end of his nose had gotten from the cold air, his free hand intertwined with her fingers that slotted together like a jigsaw piece.

But then after a moment she couldn't take it anymore and lifted her hand to stroke his pale cheek, his eyes fluttering open at the soft contact. And when those baby blue eye stared into her own, it was like she was getting lost in space because the love contained in them was something that surely didn't belong on earth.

***

Niall forced her back inside after she began to shiver. She could feel her body shutting down so she went willingly, knowing that she needed to cling onto as much of the little time she had left to be with Niall.

Doctor Hanson came in to hook her back up to all of the machines and as they re-calibrated to her body she could see the panic in his eyes as he read the numbers. As he understood how completely her body was failing. But she just met his eyes calmly, asking silently if she could please just be alone with Niall.

He tried to interrupt, to tell her that he really needed to do some tests, but Lydia cut him off with a swift nod and sympathetic eyes and in that moment Doctor Hanson knew that Lydia knew her time was up so he took her hand in his, squeezed it tightly as he tried to convey that he loved her, that he was sorry he couldn't save her, and then took one last glance before he swiftly left the room so he couldn't cry in front of them. He didn't want to panic Niall. He might as well let him spend the last few moments he had with his girlfriend in peace.

It was only when Lydia started to have trouble breathing that Niall really noticed that something was wrong.

"I'm getting a nurse!" He almost-shouted as he sprung up from his chair.

But Lydia's hand reached out to grab him. "Niall, no." She shook her head, smiling a soft, sad smile.

He ripped his arm from her grasp. "I have to get Doctor Hanson! This is bad, Lyd. This is really bad. You can't breathe. You're in pain. It's like you're going to... like you're going to..."

"He already knows baby," Lydia whispered, hating the way that Niall looked so distressed. He was finally understanding what she was trying to say.

He stared at her, as if in shock.

"No," he gasped. "No, he can't know. He needs to do something. This... this isn't right. They need to do something. They need to make you better. We need more time."

Lydia pulled Niall over to her side of her bed, where he collapsed against the mattress, perched down next to her.

"They've done everything they can, baby." Lydia whispered, tangling her fingers with his. "This is it, Niall. I think... I think this is finally it."

"No!" Niall choked out, the word coming out garbled like he was being strangled. "Please! No!" And then he started to sob loud, heart-wrenching sobs that filled the silent air of Room 206. He collapsed into Lydia's side where she was propped up by the pillows, crying desperately into her shoulder as he buried his face in the crook of her neck. He didn't want to believe this. He didn't want to be told that this girl was about to leave him forever.

Lydia tried to soothe him as best possible, running her fingers through his hair, whispering about how much she loved him. But she knew it probably wouldn't help. After all, she didn't even want to imagine if it was the other way around. She knew wouldn't be able to cope if it was Niall basically telling her he was about to die.

Niall clung to Lydia, his arms snaking around her shoulders as he hugged her to him tightly, refusing to let her go. His mind was full of mixed up thoughts and memories and chants of don't leave me don't leave me don't leave me.

He knew that this was pure, irrevocable heartbreak. To know that the person you love is about to be ripped away from you... He knew that there was no way on earth that there could ever be a feeling that could ever compare to this. He already felt that space in his heart that would always be empty when Lydia was gone start to throb.

"It hurts," was all Niall could say. He sobbed against Ldyia's skin as he cried out, "It hurts," over and over again. Because his heart hurt. And he didn't think it would ever stop.

***

An hour later and Niall had managed to pull himself together, for Lydia. Because he knew she must be scared even though she would never admit it. She always said, "I'm not afraid of dying, Ni," but he knew there must be some part of her that was terrified. And he wouldn't allow himself to cry when he needed to be strong for her. He knew there would be plenty of time for that later.

They sat together, Niall and Lydia, just looking at each other. Lydia revelling in the perfect boy in front of her who she had been so lucky to call her own, if only for a few short months. Niall, desperately trying to memorise each and every single inch of Lydia's face. The freckle on the side of her chin, her deep green eyes, the way her long eyelashes cast shadows on her cheek. He didn't ever want to forget any part of her.

"Are you afraid?" Niall whispered, tracing patterns into her hand with his thumb where their palms were clasped tightly together. He didn't know why he had said it. But he had to know.

"No," Lydia whispered back, honestly. "Just sad."

Niall could feel his heart cracking in two like porcelain that had been dropped on a concrete floor.

"Why are you sad, baby?"

And then Lydia just kind of... broke. She fell forwards, into his chest. His tight arms wound around her and held her close. She began to cry and cry and cry, as she felt her body weaken and knew she didn't have much time left. Niall's t-shirt became damp and stained with tears. It was likely she suddenly realised how much she was going to miss out on.

"I'll never get to see you turn twenty one," she sobbed. "I'll never be able to go to your surprise 50th birthday party. I won't see your hair turn grey or your abs turn into a beer belly. I will never see you with wrinkles and laugh lines. I won't ever spend a birthday with you at all. I won't see you give Carmen away at her wedding. I won't see you dressed in a tux at our wedding. I won't ever see our little son who has your eyes and your silly chicken legs and your goofy laugh that I love so much. I won't be able to hold you close when you're sad and tell you that everything will be alright. I won't be able to grow old with you and have grandchildren and die of old age, happy and content with you right by my side in whatever god awful care home we've been stuck in. I won't ever grow any older, I won't be able to go to university, I won't be able to watch Carmen grow up into an even more beautiful person than she already is. I won't be able to move in with you and do your washing and get your socks all mismatched and turn your white t shirts pink because I accidentally let something red get in the machine with them."

At any other time Niall probably would have just laughed at the fact that Lydia was so upset because she wouldn't get a chance to ruin his clothes. But he couldn't have even laughed if he wanted to.

He felt like maybe he might never laugh again.

"Just imagine," Niall whispered, silent tears streaming and streaming down his face like it was the end of the world. And to be honest, it felt like it was. But he had to make her happy, if it was the last thing he did. "Imagine it, Lyd."

Niall took her weight and gently helped her lie down on her back. He moved to sit on the chair next to the bed, knowing that this was it.

A small smile graced Lydia's lips at his words, even though her cheeks were still wet with tears. Her eyes fluttered closed and she exhaled. She looked happy, content, peaceful.

"Tell me about it," Niall choked out, rubbing circles with his thumb into her hand that he was gripping like it was the only thing holding him to this earth. "Tell me what you're imagining."

"I'm at the altar in that little church near your house in Ireland and you're holding my hands," Niall squeezed her hand even tighter as she continued, her face now relaxed as a genuine smile graced her pink lips, "I'm looking into your stupidly gorgeous eyes and the boys are stood behind you looking dashing in black suits and Harry's crying a little bit but pretending not to be. Carmen's a flower girl and Meredith's my maid of honour. You look the best though, with your dark tux and the tie that matches your eyes. I say I do and watch as you slide a gold ring on my finger and you smile so big that it makes my heart swell. And then you say I do and - " Lydia's breath was getting more laboured as she found it difficult to breathe. " - and you kiss me - " She has to take another breath. " - and then - " breathe "you tell me" breathe "you love me."

Niall's heart was aching. It was aching so deeply, throbbing with pain.

He tried to smile so she didn't know how broken he felt, even though Lydia's eyes were shut and she couldn't see it anyway. "I do love you," he cried softly. "I love you so much."

Lydia smiled her big smile, the one that made Niall catch his breath every time. But it wasn't the same because she couldn't open her eyes and he was begging, he was mentally pleading to her to please open her eyes, please open those beautiful eyes that he loves so much because he needs to see them again before she goes because he can't live without them, he can't live without her.

Time seemed to slow, all sounds disappearing. It was if the whole world stopped. Niall clutched onto Lydia's hand for dear life. There was a voice screaming in his head that this couldn't be happening. She couldn't be leaving him.

"I love you Niall."

The words left Lydia's lips like a soft breath, like they were the most delicate, precious words to have ever been spoken.

And Niall watched as Lydia's chest lifted one more time, her lips still curved up a little, before her lungs deflated and then didn't move again.

He stared for a moment, at the girl he loved who was now turning cold and lifeless.

And then he cried.

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Fun fact - I wrote this chapter at about one in the morning, crying as I typed and getting snot on my pyjamas.

Please don't be mad at me. This isn't the end.

There's still an epilogue to go. Stay posted.

- Laura xo