We Are Infinity. (Teacher/Student relationship)

Chapter 12

I walked home, my head bowed down with only one sentence on my mind: I have to break up with Matt. I frantically searched my bag for my phone, pushing all other things aside.

How could I be so stupid...

"Could you come down to my house please? I need to talk to you"

Matt: "Not now. I'll come down in the evening. Everything okay?"

"Matt please, please come down"

Matt: "I'll be there in 20 minutes!"

Tears began to drop on the screen and it wasn't because I was about to break up with who I used to consider the love of my life. That was the last thing I worried about. I felt so embarrassed and naive that I could hurt someone like Finn because I didn't know what I wanted at the time. Finn was perfect. He had his bad days but so did I. And so did everybody else. But Finn was perfect. He was everything I ever dreamed my crush to be. Yet, I felt like this wasn't right.

What happened between me and Finn wasn't right. As I began to brood on the topic, I realised that Finn felt too much like an impulse. I began to question if breaking up with Matt was the right choice.  In the split second of when Finn told me to leave, I felt that breaking up with Matt would bring Finn back.

Do I really want him back?

It was getting dark and I had spent most of the afternoon sitting on the old weathered bench that stood in front of my house. It felt like an eternity of waiting for something that wasn't coming and wasn't supposed to come. Suddenly I saw a car turning the corner.
It was Matt but the emptiness did not cease to engulf me with bizarre strength. I was met with his warm and comfortable embrace as he picked me up from the bench and hugged me. He looked into my eyes, worry filling his eyes. His hands were cupping my face gently and he waited for some sort of reassurance that I was alright.

"Matt, I'm alright, everything's okay..."

He sighed out in assurance. However, a flash of dissatisfaction and anger pinched his face. lWhat's wrong then?". I looked into his eyes, confused as to why he was getting angry with me.

"I... I just needed you here... is that too much to ask?". Anger was now extremely apparent on his face as his nostrils began to flare and his eyes brows raised in an instant. "Too much to ask? You made it seem like something happened to you. I rushed here for no reason." I stepped away from Matt in disbelief. I couldn't believe how selfish he was in that moment.

"Is that how much you care about me? If I waste your time then why are you even with me?"

"That's a really good question".

My eyes widened and my jaw longed to drop open. How could I have been this blind? The past few months have all been a lie.

"I guess you have your answer. Don't ever talk to me again". As I began to walk away, Matt had fully realised the extent of this situation. Unfortunately, I had the puzzles put together a long time ago but couldn't see the full picture.
Just as I was about to close the door, Matt fingers wrapped around my wrist and the sensation was all too familiar. In an instant I was back to Finn's house and tears flooded my eyes.

"Mia.. Mia please wait! I'm so sorry I didn-". I snapped my hand out of his grip and proceeded to walk inside and slam the door closed.

It was all over in a matter of 3 hours. For the past few weeks I was struggling to decide whether I loved Finn enough to break it off with Matt. It's funny, how in the matter of this short period of time, I lost everything I cared about. And quite frankly, it seemed like I wasn't getting any of it back.

But did I want it back?