Lies don't Lie

agreement

Chapter 20 – The Agreement

There’s the thudding of my chest as I let my eyes wander the almost empty road, it’s past midnight and here I am, chest racing, palms drenched as a river and I can feel the small prickle of sweat trickling by the corner of my face. I let out a shaky breath when I finally realised that I have been gripping the steering wheel my knuckles practically white, the rushing of blood through my brain causing the warmth of my cheeks along with the deafening explosion inside me.

“God.” I sighed letting my shoulders relax.

Right after I read Santana’s text message I didn’t even get myself to care  if I’d get some bruises on my way out the apartment, I have to see Santana, she got to see me, I have to be with her.

I wet my lips when my car finally came into a halt, the deafening silence filled my ear and I can’t help but bury my head over my arms that has been tensely resting over the steering wheel, I can feel the burning sensation inside my chest igniting every nerve on fire when I perceived Santana’s car on the other side of the road.

With trembling fingers I unlatched my seatbelt, I even closed my eyes to gain some composure on my way out. My arms automatically crossed over my chest when I finally get up on my feet keeping my head down as I closed the door after me. I even jerked a little when the hooting sound filled the empty place making the anxiousness inside me even worse.

The clanking of my boots against the cemented floor echoed when I finally entered the park, it’s pretty dark and I really don’t know if what does make me anxious this time- the darkness, everybody knows how afraid I am with the dark, even Santana never allows me in the dark for I may have a panic attack, but right now I guess that the fear of facing the woman I love is even worse. The possible things that might happen right after this night for sure will change everything, the things that may spill tonight for sure will make everything anomalous and strange.

I get a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach as I let my feet drag me inside, the cold air whipping by the side of my face and I can’t help but just hold my breath, I don’t think I even brought some with me. I took a deep breath when I just realized that I already came out here but I don’t have anything to say to her, nothing. Can I just say that I’m sorry? Can I just ask her that we should just get back together and forget about everything that happened in the past years, just let the fate decide for our future. Can I just tell her that I love her, that my life will never ever be normal when she’s not with me? Can I just ask her to forget me? That she should just move on without me? I don’t know, my head it’s all fuzzy and I don’t know how I would make everything as perfect as it had just before it started.

I let out another shaky breath tucking a strand of hair behind my ear and smoothing out my shirt when my eyes finally landed on brunette head sitting by the far most corner just right beside the pond where a small gazebo is found, we used to go here before, if it wasn’t our ritual every morning it’ll be our weird date night where we will just walk around the park for like 3 to 4 times before heading back to my place or hers.

Concluded that I never felt this nervous for seem like forever, my feet  is way beyond heavier than of my own weight as I made my way towards her. Her brunette locks cascading gorgeously down her shoulder it’s almost shining under the moonlight, a small smile lingered on my lips when I recalled on how much I’ve always been telling her that I love her hair so so much. I know that it’s not of a long time for as long as anyone can remember the last time I saw her but it seems like forever since I saw her face, her deep brown eyes, her nose, her cheeks, that little dimple of hers, those lips I adore the most, how I miss her voice calling my name, how I miss the times I’d get to spend with her, the remnants of her lips against mine, how her eyes would flicker every time she’ll tell me something that’ll just show how smitten she gets when she’s with me. How she says she loves me.