Lies don't Lie

Happiness

My heart is pounding, actually no. It’s about to explode any second and yet I can’t bring myself to care, I feel so happy, escalated, exultant and every word that’ll be synonymous on those won’t still be enough to explain what I’m feeling right now. It’s been three years since I’ve been here in this situation, wearing this white elegant dress, my hair in a gorgeous braid cascading down my shoulders and this unusual thudding in my chest. The light make up that brings out my eyes and the light pink tint of my cheeks ignites the flaring of my heart. Just staring at my own reflection gives the familiar coiling inside my stomach every time I get nervous. There I admitted it; I’m nervous, anxious and tense at the same time.

It’s been 3 years since Santana left me in this situation, it’s been 2 years since she reappeared in my life, since I lied to her, since she knew that I can remember her all this time, since we did hurt each other, it’s been a year since she asked me that one question and I said yes and now were here about to get married. My palms were burning against my chest as I tried to contain my breathing, just the mere thought of marrying the woman I love gives the light tingles deep inside me causing my heart to skip a beat. I let a sigh escape my lips, calming my nerves, I can feel the familiar lump down my throat and I’m pretty sure that few more seconds there’s the tears streaming down my cheeks and I just can’t.

 Since that very moment I never thought that this moment will come our way, just the idea of everything that happened keeps my mind a little blurry yet I never felt this… bizarreness filling my heart.

“No.” I sighed tilting my head to keep the tears from falling. Everything is overwhelming and I don’t think that feeling vulnerable will make everything alright. With a deep breath I momentarily closed my eyes, composing myself just enough to keep everything straight in line. My hands were literally shaking as I tried to straighten out my dress, I even got my feet trembling even I’m just standing for Christ sake.  

Literally, the blood rushed through my brain when the there’s the light knock echoed inside my ear followed by Quinn’s voice. I can’t actually believe this, we were actually in the same scenario years ago.

“Britt? You ready?” she called after three knocks. A shaky breath escaped my lips as I walked towards the door revealing Quinn in her light blue bridesmaid dress. Everything is flashing back, like the only difference is that, she’s wearing yellow years ago and her hair is much shorter, but the way her eyes shining under the chandelier, is exactly the same. “You look… amazing, Britt.” She breathed, her head cocked to the side eyeing me from head to toe.

“You too. God, Q I’m getting married.” I choked out, my voice cracking at my last words.

“Are you okay?” Quinn asked anxiously following my trance through the room.

With a deep breath I spun around and eyed her, my eyes unsteadily wandering her face. “I don’t know.” I sighed. That’s actually true, I have no idea if I’m feeling okay or not. This is just… “I can’t do this, Q. I just can’t.” I managed to say, shaking my head in the process as I paced inside my dressing room, my hands securely placed on either side of my temple, my chest rapidly heaving up and down, I don’t think I can even feel my toes.

“That’s funny, Britt.” She laughed a little louder before facing me with more serious look. “Let’s go.”

“What am I even thinking? What if she leaves me again? Fuck! Quinn I don’t think I’ll ever take that. I may have to just kill myself if that ever happens.” I rambled, I can see Quinn on the corner of my eyes that she’s just staring at the bouquet of flower lying on of the round tables. “Quinn!”

“What?”

“Aren’t you gonna say anything?”

“Something like what?” she retorted with a mind-numbing look written all over her face.