Losing Kim Taehyung

two

"Before I fell
in love with words
with setting skies
and singing birds—
It was you I fell
in love with first"

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"In two weeks, classes will start. Are you excited?" Mom asked as she prepared my breakfast. She put three layers of pancakes on my plates and some sliced fruits like raspberries and strawberries on top. She placed it on top of the table, in front of me and a bottle of maple syrup next to my plate. Then, my mom sat across me and enjoy her mug of black coffee. She's not really used to eating breakfast before going to work. A mug of coffee is enough for her.

"I ain't even excited just a little bit, mom." I told her cutting my pancake with a spoon then took a spoonful then let it enter my mouth.

Chewing my pancakes slowly, my mom glanced at the wall clock and gasped. "Oh dear, I'm running late." She stood up from her seat, and approached me to kiss my head quickly. She put on her heels then added, "Make sure to do the dishes, okay? Your friends will be coming over after lunch. Yeri texted me. Okay? Bye, baby."

I waved my hand goodbye then she left. She closed the door after she left, and finished my breakfast. I did the dishes, and watched some cartoons after. I texted Yeri, and asked her why she had to text my mom instead of texting me, and she replied, it was supposed to be a surprise because she was sure I wouldn't let them inside if she only texted me. She has a point. I hate visitors.

Watching cartoons somehow bored me already, so I turned off the television and put some music on instead.

It has been months since that New Year's party at Sungjae's place, and I haven't heard a single thing about Kim Taehyung after. I asked Sungjae if he personally knew Taehyung, and he said no. Taehyung was an acquaintance's friend, so basically he barely knew the guy.

His name and his New Year's wish were the last two things I knew about him. I wish we could have talked longer, but time sure flew with him. It felt like our presences was enough to fill the silence.

I remembered after we kissed, I instinctively hugged him. I badly wanted to hug him that night, and he let me. He hugged me back, and he even let me lay down on top of him. I used his hard chest as my pillow, and felt him smelling my hair as we talked. (Good thing, I washed my hair with a fragrant strawberry-scented shampoo that morning. It really smelled sweet.). We never hook up that night; he said he wanted to stay just the way I am—that Miss Fuckin' Virgin. It became my character, he said. And I thought he's ridiculously funny.

We just laid down in the empty bathtub talking about random things. We actually never talked about ourselves, but we talked about the future. He said he actually sees me as a doctor in the future. Maybe a surgeon or maybe a cardiologist, something like that. He said, I'll be successful and I'll probably forget I even met him. But I never will. That won't ever happen. Then, I told him I actually sees him as an artist in the future, maybe an actor who acts on musical plays or a painter who paints deep abstract paintings, something like that. And he laughed, he said he doesn't like or even know how to paint or even act. He's just a pretty face with no talent, he said. But I didn't see him like that. Like I said before, I know there's something more about him.

We slept in that bathtub after talking about the most senseless things. And when I woke up, he wasn't there anymore. No more loud music, no more unfamiliar people downstairs, no more couples making out in each bedroom and bathroom. Just me, Sungjae, Sooyoung and Yeri inside the house. We helped him clean up all the messes left after the party before Sungjae's parents come home. That was it. That was the last thing I remembered about Kim Taehyung.