AN: Hey guys! Remember that time when I said I would try to post a new chapter every day? -_-
Man, that proved to be harder than I thought it'd be... I'm trying though, I promise!
Ok, here we go...
Jade
Fuck.
Fucking fuck.
Motherfucking fucking fuck.
You've really done it now haven't you?
I press my nails into the palm of my hand in an attempt to release some of the tension coursing through my body.
I feel like shit. The momentary sobriety that had resulted from the sudden adrenaline rush having long passed. I'm feeling sluggish, dizzy, and extremely nauseous. And this nasty ass headache is just getting worse and worse. Although, I don't even know if these are solely the effects of the alcohol anymore…
I hear Tori let out a soft sigh from the driver's seat next to me. I squeeze my eyes shut even tighter as I press harder into my palm.
Fuck.
What the hell had I done? What the hell was I thinking?
The nasty feeling in my stomach seems to intensify and my head pounds even more.
I wasn't thinking. That's the problem. That's always the problem. I'm impulsive. I'm careless. I do things without thinking simply because they seem like a good idea at the time. And normally, I don't care if it turns out to not be, I simply say 'fuck it' and move on. If someone ends up hurt in the process, so be it. I couldn't care less.
That's how it's always been.
That's how it should always be.
It makes things easier, not caring. It makes everything much less important than it should be. The less I get involved, the less I care, the less I hurt.
But now everything is different. There's no point trying to deny it. Things changed. I changed.
Tori changed me. Or did I change for Tori?
God, this is fucking crazy…
But it's true. I let her in, and deep inside I knew that once I did, there would be no turning back. No way to deny what she'd already seen. And I still did it. I let her in and I'd be lying if I said I regretted it. These past weeks with her have been some of the best days of my life. And as sad as that sounds, I really don't feel the least bit bad about it.
In the last three weeks I've become someone I always swore I'd never be. At least with her. But somehow, it's enough. It's enough to know that I'm capable of opening up so completely to someone; knowing full well that by doing so I will be exposed and vulnerable. The risk had never seemed worth it until Tori. My mother's words kept echoing in my mind. Telling me that I was giving her too much power over me; that I was an idiot for trusting her so blindly when she could easily use it against me. But every single time the doubts came, all it took was a simple smile from Tori, and I knew that that was not something I had to worry about.
But then I go and fuck everything up.
I don't know what came over me. Honest to fucking God, I don't. One minute we're dancing, laughing and just having a good time, and next thing I know, Tori is pressed up against me. Her body, her hair, her smell, her face, her hands, her fucking everything.
It's all Tori.
Tori who makes me smile. Tori who makes me laugh. Tori who makes feel like an actual fucking human being. Who likes me, who genuinely likes me. And let me tell you, that's no easy feat… But she does. She likes me and wants me around just as much as I want her. It dawns on me then, how much she truly means to me. How much I care for her, how much I want, no need, her in my life. How thankful I am to her for being part of it. How safe she makes me feel. How fucking happyI am.
