The Secret Life of the American Teenager

Feelings

Amy POV 

It's been three days, three days since I admitted to Ricky and Grace what happened to me. Ricky hasn't wanted to leave my side. I haven't been able to go to the old apartment yet. I miss it, but I don't think I'm ready. I love Ricky, for not wanting to leave me alone, but I need some time alone. I need to be able to take a shower without him in the bathroom with me, or pee without him being on the other side of the bathroom door. I need to be able to cry, in peace. I don't know how to tell him, that I need him to be normal with me again. The only time he will leave me alone is when my dad or Jack is around. Even then he is scared, because they don't know about my rape. Even then Grace is baby sitting me. I just woke up, my eyes aren't even open yet, yet I know Ricky is staring at me. Like he has been for three days, straight. Today is the day, the day I tell him that I love him but can't take it. I sigh, and open my eyes. Before I can say anything, I hear a knock on the door. Ricky smiles, "I'll get it." He says. He gets out of bed and heads for the front door. I get out of bed and put on my robe. "Amy, it's Grace." I hear Ricky yell.  I walk out of my old room. "Hey, Grace." I say coming into the living room. "I'll make breakfast." I hear Ricky announce. He walks to the kitchen. I look at Grace and point towards my old room. I look into Johns old nursery, on the way to my room. I want to see my son, I think to myself. I close the bedroom door behind Grace. "I can't take it any longer. I need him out, I need time to myself. I need to cry alone, again. I need to pee in peace and shower in peace. I didn't know how he would handle the news, but this was one of my fears. I know he wants to protect me. But, I can't take it." I tell Grace. "Amy, you have to tell him, that. You have to tell him, you need him to give you some space and some power back. I knew you'd come to this feeling sooner or later, honestly it's sooner then I thought though." Grace says smiling at me and leaning in to hug me. "I'm gonna go, I just wanted to check in. Call me...if..." Grace trails off. "Sorry, I'm doing it too. We just don't know how to act." I smile at Grace and hug her. We walk out of my room and she leaves, I go to the kitchen, "Grace left." I say looking at Ricky. "Oh. That was fast." Ricky replies. I just smile at him. We eat breakfast in silence. I go to do the dishes. "I want to go see John." I inform Ricky, "and then after you can bring me back, drop me off and you and John can hang out today." Ricky looks at me confused. "Ricky, I love you, but I need some space. This was one of the possible reactions I was afraid of from you, either you'd see me different and you'd disappear or you'd see me different and hold on tighter. I'm sorry but I can't be babysat 24/7." We spend the next four hours with John, when it's time for his nap, Ricky and I go to the car, "Can I just go to the apartment?" I ask Ricky. "Sure, Ames. If that's what you want. How'd you like being with John?" Ricky replies. "It was nice, I'm not sure how I'll feel if I'm alone with him. Or how I'll feel as he gets older. I'm gonna try, one day at a time. For now." I reply. 

Ricky POV

It was so nice watching Amy with John today. So far, so good. I know I'm holding onto Amy too tight. I know, I need to give her space. Which I'm going to do. I knew she was going to tell me I was holding on too tight, I think that's why I did it. So she could tell me. I need her to tell me what she needs, I think she needs it too. I think she needs to see, I care about her and her needs. I'll do whatever she needs. I really do love her. I hope she can see that. "Daddy, I love you." John says pulling me out of my thoughts. "I love you too buddy." I tell my son. "Daddy, I don't want a new Daddy!" John tells me. "What John? Who said you're going to get a new Daddy? I'm your Daddy, nothing will ever change that." I tell my son, confused. " Martin, my friend at day care. He says Mommy left to find me a new Daddy." John informs me. I frown, just when I think things can't get worse. "John, its late, we need to go home, get you a nap, and then it's dinner time. We will talk about this with Mommy later. Don't worry about what Martin said. I love you, John." I put John in the car and we leave the park. John falls asleep on the ride home. I carry John upstairs put him to bed and go to talk to Amy.