My feelings about my life

Love isn't always real

"You don't mess with love, you mess with the truth"
   
I don't know who said this... but they were very right when they did. Love is love. It isn't something you can prepare for or plan. It just is. It's a state of being. It's the little butterflies you get in your stomach when he looks at you like you are the most beautiful person in the end world. Or the smile that creeps on your face the second you think of his name. The blush you get when he tells you you're amazing. The way you always think of him. The way you wait for his text messages to come through. The way he looks at you. The way he talks to you. Everything about him draws you in. He makes you think he loves you. And you fall for it. And him. He's all you think about everyday. The first thing on your mind in the morning and the last thing before you close your eyes at night. He's the one you want to tell everything to. The one you run to when you're upset. And you think he feels the same. But he doesn't. He does all these things to make you think he loves you just as much as you love him. But he doesn't. He only pretends. He wants you to think he loves you. For whatever twisted reason. And you believe him. Because you're blind. Because you love him. But he doesn't love you. Not really. Maybe he did. Once. Or maybe he thought he did, for a second. But he doesn't. He plays with your feelings. And all it leads to is heartache for you. But not him. Because all his "feelings" they were all just a big lie. Maybe he never said the words, but in the things he did, he lied. His actions, his words, the way he made you feel. They were all just part of some horrible plan. A plan you completely fell for. And when he left. He left you broken. And he didn't care. Which hurt you even more. Because you found the truth. He never felt the way you did. You loved him. And he never loved you. That's why it was so easy for him to leave.
                 - 11:23 pm; 5/9/16