I do this to myself. And I know it. But I can't stop. He's all I think about. Everything I need. And everything I want. But not in a sexual way. I want him meaning I want him to be there for me, to turn to when I'm upset, to be the one who loves me and never leaves me. When I think about him, it's not the stuff that he has said to me, but the things I have made up in my mind. I don't even really know if I'm in love with him or just the idea of him. I think I'm in love with the him of my imagination. He's the real flesh and bones but there is another him. The one I forged in my dreams. The one who will never leave me and the one that loves me just as much, if not more, as I love him. The him I've made up is completely different from the real him. The real him rarely texts me anymore. The imaginary him talks to me all the time. The real him doesn't tell me he loves me, but my version does. My version of him is greater than any human being could ever be. He is the love of my life. And no real life version could be better than the one I've made up. Because he knows exactly what I want to hear, and what I want him to do, and what I feel and think. The real life him could never be as perfect as the one I made. And I don't think I could ever be as in love with the real him as I am with the imaginary. And I don't need the real one. Not anymore. Cause I have my own, personal version of him. Just for me.
- 1:11 am; 5/13/16
YOU ARE READING
My feelings about my life
Randompretty much just some things I jot down when I have very intense feelings. You don't have to read this it's just a way for me to let myself out a little bit.
