life's rain // bruno mars

chapter nineteen

Chapter nineteen

It's been six days, and I've practically been living in the studio. I could feel Phil's and Ari's gazes of approval every time I had sheets of prosaic lyrics in my lap with pencil to paper though I felt uninspired. I had even gotten a haircut under Eric's suggestion. I never knew it was possible for someone to take over your every thought, but it is. Lena made me realize that. I made sure to not bring up the situation of her, though. Instead, I talk to Stephanie about her over the phone. Just a few conversations here and there, but it was enough. This time, she invited me over, said she wanted to show me something. I waited until after dinner to throw on a flannel and fedora and head to her place. The road I've taken so many times in the past few months.

I knocked on the door and heard Stephanie's voice chime, “Come in!” I let myself inside and she yelled, “In here!” I followed her voice. She was laid out on the leather couch—real leather—in the living room, watching some reality show. She sat up when she saw me, gestured for me to sit down next to her. I did. “You want some?” She held a bottle of wine my way. I took it, giving her a quick thank you before taking a few swigs. “Lena hated reality TV,” Stephanie spoke. “But loved cartoons.” 

“She loved contradictions.” I handed the bottle back to her, licking the taste of sweet grapes off my lips.

“But that's not really a contradiction. Reality TV and cartoons are both fake as hell.”

I shrugged, leaning back. The wine was warming in my stomach. “Where do you think she is?”

Stephanie's eyes were glued to the television. Some kind of girl fight was going on. Her hair was down today, black waves cascading down her back. “You always say you think she's somewhere traveling.”

It helped, to think that. “Yeah, but that's what I think. What do you think?”

“Well,” she thought for a moment, “that's the only way I can picture her, too. It just feels. . .”

“Right,” I finished for her.

“Yes,” she agreed quietly. “It definitely feels right.”

There was silence before she started speaking again. “I'm a little angry at her, to be honest. How can she just leave like that? She could have at least told us where she was, just to ease some of our worries.”

She doesn't want to be found would have been the best thing to say, but I was tired of hearing and thinking it. Instead I asked, “You think she felt like no one cared?”

Steph snorted. “That would be stupid. She shuts everyone out, believes that no one did than the actuality.” A commercial came on. She turned her gaze to me. “She's selfish, Lena.”

I couldn't help but disagree, feeling slightly defensive. “I think she tries to only do what's best, which comes off as selfish sometimes.” Did she think we were better off without her? Stephanie frowned and I switched topics. “So, what'd you want to show me?”

“Oh, hold on.” She smiled, her skirt had risen as she stood and, whoops, I caught sight of her lace underwear. Light blue. She bounded away, soon returning with her phone. She put it close to my ear. The voice of Lena flowed outwards, making me jerk in surprise. Stephanie had to scoot closer to press the cell near my ear again. “Listen,” she ordered.

It was Lena, talking about me. I nearly closed my eyes at the sound of her soft voice, feeling like I haven't heard it in such a long time. “Wow,” I whispered when the recording was over. Speechless at Lena's words, really. My voice is enticing? This made my fingers itch to press some keys on the piano. When I'm weak it's you that makes me strong.