//
As I was going through my old notes, I found this note, written December 2015.
I know that there are zero chances of you reading this story, even in all the years that will follow (except if someone tells this to you, but I highly doubt). We had a connection you weren't aware of; and even if this site disappears and the story's gone, we'll always have that... though your real life personality wasn't anything like my character's. I don't even know what your personality is like, really, because we never really got together. We don't even talk, or share stares. I just see you at rare occasions, but now I know.
This whole story is dedicated to you.
Even though that eventually, I'll forget your angelic face, your voice, the bible verses you post on Facebook, how tall you are, and will only remember your curly hair and crooked tooth, because I wrote about that.
I wrote about you.
And that sentence alone screams a lot.
The following words will be spoken with honesty and affection.
I think this is just insane. I am falling in love with this idea of you I created inside my head. You, a person I barely know, a person I only talked to once. You, a person who doesn't even know my age, my interests, the crazy things I do - even my name must have slipped from your memories though I formally introduced myself to you.
Although I think I am not completely in love with you, I only have you to thank for giving that idea a name, and a face. That maybe it; I am not in love with you, but rather, I am in love with a part of myself... and since you are not so nice to provide the love I needed at the moment, I am sincerely thanking you for unconsciously lending yourself.
Sometimes I think that romanticizing this wonderful idea of you is too much, but when the stars whisper that anything I do under the dim moonlight cannot be considered illegal and wrong, I... go on. I keep on loving this idea of you I provided exclusively for myself.
And you will not know that for days, months, you went with me to amusement parks, spent time with me in our own living room watching sappy romantic movies, and expressed your undying love for me in novelettes.
You will not know that for a long period of time, your existence mattered a lot to someone as mundane as me.
And... I might have loved myself a lot through you.
//
