bbs- banana banana shot? (booty booty squad?)

isn't it a shame?

author note like a year later: THIS IS FUCKIN ANGST IM SORRY I KNOW I KILLED IT k thnx
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His hands were shaking, his body trembling, and his tears leaving wet spots on his blanket as they dripped off his face. Ohm sat there, eyes squeezed shut, silently wishing that the morning would come a bit slower. Opening his eyes again, he wiped the tears away and turned to see Bryce lying beside him, fast asleep and oblivious to Ohm's troubles.

He swallowed the lump in his throat, then looked over at the window, feeling a sense of dread rise in him as he saw the faint shades of pink and blue beginning to pierce the inky darkness of the night.

Oh, it was a shame how badly Ohm wanted to break down and cry, right here and right now. He wanted nothing more than to melt into the bed and fade away, to curl up next to Bryce and let Bryce wipe away his tears.

It was a shame how badly Ohm wanted Bryce to stay.

Bryce stirs slightly, giving a small, tired groan as he rolls over and tugs the blanket tighter around him. Ohm can't help but smile at the sight, and he feels his heart flutter at the thought of Bryce being so close to him, and being so willing to put up with Ohm for so long. Reaching over, Ohm closes the curtains, as though keeping the morning light from coming in would somehow keep Bryce here a bit longer.

He sniffles softly, wipes his eyes one more time, then lays back down in bed. Despite the heaviness of his eyelids, and the weariness hanging over him, Ohm can't bring himself to fall back asleep. He rolls over to face Bryce, and realizes that he's far too content with simply watching the younger sleep.

Morning, it seems, comes much quicker than Ohm remembered. One minute he's lying beside Bryce at four in the morning, and the next it's ten AM and Bryce is walking out to Ohm's car with his phone in one hand, and a suitcase full of clothes in the other. Ohm smiles the best he can at Bryce, and Bryce smiles back. It's a warm and happy smile, one that makes Ohm's heart flutter and ache at the same time.

"So, who are you gonna go visit next?" Despite already knowing the answer, Ohm found himself asking anyways.

"Oh, come on Ohm! You know who!" Bryce giggles excitedly, eyes bright and smile breathtaking. "I'm going to go visit my boyfriend! I can't keep Delirious waiting forever! Imagine how much that would suck, waiting for the one you loved," he rambled.

There's a cold, twisted feeling forming in Ohm's chest, and he finds himself blinking tears away.

Oh, it was quite a shame how badly Ohm wanted to break down and cry.

Oh, wasn't it a shame how badly Ohm wanted Bryce to stay?

He decides to laugh it off instead of crying. Of course Bryce would be going to see Delirious! They were dating, for fuck's sake! Ever since they started dating, all Bryce spoke about was "Delirious, Delirious, Delirious." Even before they started dating, Delirious would be all that Ohm heard from Bryce.

Then again, it made sense. Ohm wasn't good for Bryce. Bryce deserved better than Ohm.

Ohm still cried when he spilled his milk, Ohm panicked too easily and always made Bryce feel awkward with his jokes, which, as far as Ohm was concerned, weren't even all that good. Ohm was awkward and clumsy, and shameful no less, and Bryce deserved better. Delirious was everything Ohm wasn't, and so it made sense that Bryce would fall for him like it was nothing.

"Ohm? Are you okay? You look upset, do we need to stop?" Bryce sounded worried, his hand being placed on Ohm's shoulder, slender and warm.

"Y-yeah. I'm just tired, I didn't sleep well last night." The lie rolls off his tongue so casually that Ohm almost laughs. Bryce doesn't seem to buy it, but doesn't ask about it either. Instead he nods slowly, looking back down at his phone.

The rest of the ride was relatively quiet, save for Bryce's quiet humming to whatever song he was thinking of at the time. His voice was soft and relaxing, something Ohm wouldn't mind hearing every day for the rest of his life.

It would also sound really pretty saying "I do," but that wasn't going to happen. At least... not to Ohm, it wasn't.

Unlike the car, the airport was loud and crowded, people chattering to each other and running about, going to catch their flight. Ohm felt cramped and uncomfortable, and he was dreading every second that he spent here.

And as he and Bryce stepped up to the gate where Bryce was to board his plane, Ohm felt cold hands slowly drag his heart into the pit of his stomach, a cold, almost resentful feeling flooding through him.

"Well, I'll see you soon, okay Ryan?" Bryce smiles down at Ohm, pulling him in for a hug. At the use of his real name, Ohm nearly sobbed.

He hugs back anyways, closing his eyes and inhaling the comforting scent of Bryce's hoodie, and basking in the warmth coming off the other.

Bryce, to Ohm, was happiness and sunshine, he was flowers and poems and everything good in the world. To Ryan, Bryce was kindness and purity, warmth and comfort and home.

To Ryan, Bryce was love.

But Bryce didn't love Ryan back, and he was about to board a plane to go back home to his boyfriend.

"Bye, Bryce. I'll see you soon, alright buddy?"

As Bryce walks off, Ohm can't help but wonder if Bryce knows he took his heart with him. The words "I love you" were on the tip of his tongue, his heart begging Ohm to say it but his brain telling him no. Ohm smiles again, and for a brief moment, wonders if everything would be the same if he had ever confessed to Bryce.

The thought leaves as quickly as it had came, though, because his mind is quickly distracted by the plane taking off, Bryce gone with it. With no other choice, Ohm begins to head back home.

This car ride was sad and silent, Ohm not even bothering to turn on the radio or throw away the soda bottle one of them had left. He drives back to his house, the urge to cry growing with every passing second.

Bryce, if he was here would've hugged him tightly and begged to know what was wrong. He would've wiped away Ohm's tears and maybe sing a song to calm him down. But Ohm knew that he wasn't special. Bryce would easily do the same for any of his friends. That's just how Bryce was- sweet and caring, the kind of person who wore his heart on his sleeve and seemed to care for everything and everyone he came across.

Ohm, on the other hand, felt selfish for wanting Bryce all to himself. Maybe, just maybe, there was a reason Bryce chose Delirious after all.

Oh... it was a shame how badly Ohm wanted to break down and cry.

Oh, wasn't it a shame how badly Ohm was in love with something he would never have?