Twilight Java

Prologue

The time had come. The last box, suitcase and duffel packed to the brim with my belongings that I couldn't bear leaving behind. Knick Knacks, Posters, and my skateboard all packed up one way or another. It might've been excessive since I most likely could've bought many of these items in the area surrounding my university, but I couldn't lose the sentiment that came with many of them. Or the money.

The only reason I got into this college was because of my scholarship. My grants, merit scholarship and doing work-study would be enough to put me through all four years with less than a thousand dollars left to go, so there was no chance of me passing up the opportunity regardless of how far away the school was. This was truly lucky of me considering the university I'm set for was a very good school (compared to what I could afford) and somewhat selective so I felt very fortunate to have been accepted. Regardless of our financial situation, my mother wanted me to go to a good school. I was thrilled to be leaving my town and my mother, but also wavering because of that same reason. I worried about how she would manage by herself from working behind a desk, but if we made it by with me around then it'll get better when I'm gone especially since there isn't a worry about major impending college loans.

Living in a small town on the northwestern coast had its benefits, but it also made you feel withdrawn from the rest of the world. You knew everyone and everyone knew you. Now, heading off to Boston was going to be a major adjustment, but one that I needed. It would no longer be a place where I constantly felt like my privacy was being invaded, but a place of anonymity and discretion.

Thinking back on the decision, it was pretty ridiculous to go to a college that I've never visited. Practically everyone had visited one because they said it's best to have the gist of what people at the school are like and the overall atmosphere. Personally, I didn't have the time or money to plan a trip like that and pay for the flight if I didn't even know where I wanted to go. I still had the time to visit, but I didn't see a point anymore if I knew I didn't have any other options. This would cost me the least, even though it was out of state which was a miracle.

My mother and I stood up with a heave as we finished placing my load of boxes and duffels at the front door. She slapped her hands dramatically and huffed.

"I haven't sweat that much since I gave birth to you," She swiped the back of her hand across her forehead. "Why do you need to bring some of these things anyway?"

I placed my hands on my hips defensively. "You'd think my mother would be sad about her only child leaving for college instead of sassing her."

"You know I'm sad," She said with a sigh. "I just don't want to get myself too upset before I make you stay here." She laughed humorlessly and rubbed her eyes, most likely dragging away tears.

"I am too," I leaned against the wall and stared at the boxes so that I wouldn't start tearing up. "But this will be good for both of us. I'll get to finally come out of Ormont and depend on myself, and you'll get to live a life without worrying about me."

"Oh I'll worry, alright. I just won't be able to be with you at the end of the day." Her fingers dabbed at the corners of her eyes.

"I meant that you won't have to worry about feeding me and paying the bills. Now everything will just be up to you," I said, biting my tongue to refrain from saying something I would regret quickly.

My mom nodded then reached out to hug me. She sighed deeply, "Just know I'll miss you and that I'll be happy if you're happy. I'm so proud of you for everything you've done."

It was my turn to get teary. She withdrew from me and grabbed my arms, "Now, I want you to Skype me every chance you get. If not I want a text. Remember to eat well and meet good people. I've seen all those movies about kids in college and that's the biggest thing I'm afraid of." She stared me down, as though I had something to hide. I just laughed, blinking away the tears that I had.

"Don't worry I will. If I don't then it's because I'm 'studying'," I put air quotes when I said it, but she just stared me down even more. "I'm kidding!" She then broke into a smile and we talked until the moving truck arrived. As sad as it was, this was the first real conversation I had with her for a while. She worked all day, but after finishing my homework I had to go to my part time job so we wouldn't see each other until night time, but we were too tired to talk until then. When she wasn't working... It just brought a bitter thought to my mind. I often questioned how much she actually cared about me, but I always just had to tell myself it's because of the situation we're in.

It felt nice to have one last normal conversation with her before I'd have them over the phone or computer. I stood up as I saw the truck parallel park in front of our apartment and hugged my mom one last time. She was the first to speak.

"Know that I'll be thinking of you everyday and that I am so proud of you. Always remember that."

"I will."