Him For Her.

Her Family.

When I had gotten inside, It had barely turned 6:30 pm. And, no sooner did I get to my bedroom with my door shut, and to basically just shut off for the night... My mother came barging into my space, loaded with every single question a mother could possibly ask, and without so much as an initial Hello. She proceeded with all the information that her FBI Mom-mode could get from me within a single minute. Now at first, she insisted on dragging through each and every one of the typical "Mom" questions about my first day of school before she could dare step into asking the questions that she really wanted to ask.
It went something like this:
Mom: "How was school?"
Me: "It was fine."
Mom: "Any problems?"
Me: "Nope. All fine."
Mom: "Did you see your friends?"
Me: "Yeah."
Then, as per usual, there had been a moment of silence, a small bit of hesitation. I knew what she was waiting on... She was waiting for my permission, some kind of unspoken message or response, which would give her an okay to ask what she wanted to. And, for as little as I possibly cared to hear or answer, I did eventually give in, and I let her continue:
Me: "Mom... What is it?"
Mom: "Did you take your pills today?"
Me: "No. They said that you have to talk to them before they can allow me to have them."
Mom: "Okay... Did you eat at all today?"
Me: "I had an apple."
Mom: "Adriana... You know that's not enough."
Me: "I know, Mom. But its all I can keep down... I'm trying."
Mom: "We'll figure it out tomorrow."
And, that was it. My mom walked out after that, leaving me to my thoughts, my homework, and my piano practice as usual.

My mother, although she may have every single reason to in the world, she has never been one to hover for long. Which is something I have always kind of treasured, it becomes tiring to be so worried about all the time, but my mom is not like that. She's usually the type to only worry when there is something to worry about. Lately, the only time when she does is when we discuss meals, doctor's appointments, or when I got really sick those few times as a kid. But anyway, she has other things to think about besides me... For example, she has the twins. My brothers, Riley and Remy. They're crazy and both of them are going through the interesting phases of life where they are trying to find what they want to be known as.

Like say, Riley has been at the stage where he feels like he needs his control... "I'm a man." or "I'm not a kid anymore!" He's a man... Or at least, he wants to be taken as one. He has been learning new words everyday and believes he should not get into trouble when "testing" them out. Remy has been breaking through his destruction phase. Which I don't feel the need to explain more than that... He wants to be Hulk. That's all, I'm going to say about it.

My mother deals with the twins and their drama 24/7... Me, on the other hand, I try to stay as far out of the spotlight, and out of the twins with their problems as I can. Besides my disorder, I would say that I'm pretty much self sustaining. I don't ask for much, I don't need much. That's all there is to it. 

Over the next few hours, I have spent most of it the same way I normally do... I go over my homework, listen to my favorite artists, and as soon as I'm done. I get to sit down at my keyboard and resume what I have been practicing for the last few weeks now. Its a Fugue. In C Minor. You wouldn't understand it unless you are a musician. But, it's beautiful, it is one of the later versions, it has probably been learned, and played by several talented pianists. It is also probably a bit late for me to finally begin to try to master it, but I don't really mind. I'm a bit late to everything. It is a piece by Johann Sebastian Bach, it is a fast tempo, yet it has this kind of unexplained tranquil tone to it, considering it's mostly done in higher keys. I don't know if it hits others the way it hits me, the way I enjoy it, but honestly it is one his most charming works of art.
Allow me to let it play...

It plays on repeat about a thousand times a day in my head, runs through my heart, and vibe it sends through my fingers at every touch almost feels like electricity is running through me. Its an indescribable feeling, its a beautiful sound, and although I'm what everyone sees as sick... I never feel more healthy and alive while I'm playing. It is what I am living for, it's why I haven't given up, and why I still try every day. Even though, it's a huge, repetitive pain in my ass to do so.

After a while, I seem to drift up, and far away from the planet I used to be on. I'm in the middle of the fugue, half way through the sheet of music, and I'm hardly even looking to the sheet for direction at this point. I have gone, I have detached from the world, I am in bliss, I am in harmony with myself, and not for one second am I feeling anything less than wonderfulness... Until, of course, I end up being interrupted by my younger brother, Riley.

In a second flat, I wake from a daze I hadn't meant to fall into, and the first thing I look to is my shoulder. To my minimal surprise, a small hand has found its comfort to be at the top of my arm. I could feel something through the entirety of myself being returned, as if my soul had dropped back into my body with a merciless, and brutal thud. It almost managed to hurt, the disappointment of coming back to Earth, especially when where I seem to have gone looked to be so much better. I'm not the nicest when I'm pulled away from my keyboard, this is what my brother would know, having grown up with me so far...
Me: "What do you want?"
Riley: "I want my Snowglobe back. You took it again!"
Me: "Ri, get out of my room."
Riley: "No. I don't want to, not without my Snowglobe!"
Me: "Riley, I will tell mom if you don't scram."
Riley: "I'm not a kid anymore. I'm not scared of her."
Me: "Riley. Out."
There was a little hesitation where he stood to think before he decided that it was best not to test me. It took him a long minute or two, then he wandered out of my room, and he even dropped the idea of getting his snowglobe back. Which, I did not take from him... Remy destroyed it and the one that he wants is mine. It sits on my window sill, a present from someone I no longer know, and someone I don't really like to remember. Within the next moment after Riley had gone, my mother popped right in with water, and a small white container in her hands.

"I brought your Sleep Aid medicine." She said to me with an endearing set of brown eyes that were often used to manipulate me into taking the meds that she always offered.
Admittedly, it took me a bit of time to understand her words, no matter how simple they were, I had missed something between them... I sat there with my mouth hanging open, I must have looked mentally unwell to her, but then I tapped at my phone on its charger... And, that's when what she said had come to make some sense. It was 9:45 pm which is usually an all-around bedtime in my house.

"Thanks." I huffed. I hated the pills that she gives me for my mediocre insomnia... For two reasons;
1. I don't like how groggy the pills make me feel. Like, I am not in control of myself, I can't keep my eyes open, and it makes getting out of bed tougher than it should... Also, I swear the stuff gives me nightmares that I can't seem to shake.
2. The stuff gives me a slight ringing in my ears every morning and its driving me insane.

Once again, my mom decides to leave my room without dealing with the casual human being sweetness... A simple Goodnight just seems to be too much for her. She struggles with stuff like that, I will say that for sure. I guess it's because she likes to promptly get to the point of things and she thinks it's best to avoid the unnecessary. Soon enough, she exits my room, leaving the door cracked instead of shutting it, and I decide to shut it all off for bed.