Criminal minds unknown member (probably still on hold)

11. broken little whore

Hey hey hey, so the transition from 10 to 11 seems like it ended strangely but basically nothing happened between Reid making up with Rose and what happens next (yes they made up, the vibe was friendly when the chapter ended). Sorry if it seems abrupt I just thought I should have updated! Ps I have looked through and I couldn't find any signs of me putting days in here and that's weird... So I'm sorry if it seems like they never have a weekend they will soon I promise!

"Aaah" I almost fly out of bed. Nightmares have become normal since That life changing day, I wouldn't call it bad because it wasn't entirely. calming down I look at the clock and almost scream! It reads '9:54am' Friday morning I should have been at the BSU almost 3 hours ago. Actually Jumping out of bed I scream "OMG Morgan! MORGAN! MOORGAAAN! Did you turn off my alarm?!"
I run around my now familiar room trying to frantically get myself ready as fast as possible. I stop briefly and look around the room thinking if I have anything else to do 'makeup check, clothes check, shoes check, go bag check, phone check, handbag check, ready to scream at Morgan for forgetting me CHECK!' Not wasting another second I run down the stairs and into all the rooms to try and find any sign of life. NONE.
As I go back into the kitchen I realise that it is very very dark in here, Morgan must have woke up late himself and rushed out of here...
I turn around to switch on the kitchen lights suddenly having a very heavy sense of dread. Only when I turn around I'm not alone, but hell I wish I was! The sight in front of me is enough to make a grown man cry!
There hanging by their hands with spotlights on each person is a bloody mess of my saviours, my only true friends! Each one has their wrists almost detached from the bone, bodies stretched to un natural lengths and the blood OH the blood! It's everywhere and it stinks so bad, assaulting my nose, haunting it forever!
They all suddenly open their pleading eyes and stare at me. Then they all start moaning and writhing in agony their struggling words confirming my deepest fears "leave" "aaagh your" "fault" "go" "hate you" "unwanted" "weak" "pathetic" "unloved". With each torturing word I sink lower and lower into myself unable to bear their words or looks at their mangled bodies knowing they are hurting because of me.
Suddenly it all stops and when I think it's all over I look up to find Morgans light is the only one still on, I know the others are dead but he is just staring at me with a burning hate I have never seen before and he says in perfectly understandable English "wake up Rose. Wake up!" Then he whispers "do you honestly think we would ever like such a pathetic loser like you. Your just a broken case, a case. Nothing more. I knew I should have given you to social services while I could. No wonder you mum didn't want such a broken little whore like you in her... Life." Before his light goes out and he goes limp like everyone else. And for the last time I drop to the floor, unable to take any more of this.
I open my eyes, fearfully this time of where I will be. I find myself lying under a ginormous bed, it is very familiar. I crawl to the edge of the bed so I can poke my head out and see where I am, everything looks so much bigger than it should and when I see the cover on the bed I rush back under because I know why the place seems so familiar now... It's my old room, where I lived before we moved. Looking at myself I realise why I can fit under here, I am back in the body of my 9 year old self, great!
Oh no it's dark out and I remember this night, I don't want to be here anymore. I shut my eyes and beg 'Please wake up! Rose wake up!'
"Ahhhhhh no please get off me!" I can feel a large cold hand snake it's way around my lower leg, pulling me out of the sanctuary of my abyss.
Looking up at my reason for fear, I see my father but he doesn't look kind, he looks like a mad man and I'm scared because I know what happens next.
"Sweety what are you doing under there?" He asks way too calmly.
My brain doesn't even register what I am saying or doing but I answer just as I did that night "umm uhh uhh n-nothing, just looking for the d-dart"
He cocks his head and smiles sickly sweet "oh ok then, we wouldn't want you having to learn how to keep them on you at all times again would we." He makes it sound like a statement not a question. Then he stands up without another word and leaves.
I go to pick up the darts that are littering the floor like a bed of spikes and 4 of them poke in my hand causing it to bleed a lot, instead of pulling them out or screaming in pain I just watch, numb. The blood forms the barely legible word "whore" on my arm.
At that moment he walks in and rushes over to me on the now surprisingly empty floor, pulls out the darts and goes to look at my arm. Stopping abruptly upon spotting my arms which now both have the words 'weak' 'pathetic' 'leave' 'unloved' and 'unwanted' scrawled in blood with 'whore' in large letters in the centre. "Hah I knew it whore, no one wants a broken little whore like you. Why do you think I chose you in the first place huh?" In a mocking tone he continues "Cause your special, and someone out there will LOVE YOU!" Becoming increasingly agitated "NO WAY BITCH! I GET PAID TO KEEP YOU AND I CAN DO WHAT I WANT WITH YOU!" Suddenly calming down he stands up "clean yourself up whore, then I'll show you how weak and unloved you really are". I can't handle this anymore, please wake up Rose! I close my eyes and just break down and cry, I cry until there are no more tears left.
The first thing I see when I open my eyes this time is my father topless and straddling me, smiling like the devil. He looks me in the eye chuckles and says "well look who decided to show up. Now I won't tell you again. take of you underwear."
Oh no!

I Close my eyes and chant over again 'this isn't real, not again, wake up Rose!
***
suddenly I wake up with a burst and not so elegantly fall to the floor with a loud thud. Upon hearing me abuse the floor with my back and butt Morgan loudly trudges to my door and thumps on the door simultaneously yelling "Rose you alright in there?"
Rubbing my head I instantly reply "yeah I'm good. No cause for alarm." Then I stand up, cautiously so I don't fall down and because I don't know what reality is anymore.
I look at the clock that's on my dressing table and it now reads 5:54, which is more realistic.
Sighing I fall back into reality and begin the routine of glueing my tired, worn out smile onto my hollow face and prepare to outwardly 'skip' merrily through the crowd of the walking dead barbie dolls, joining in with the performance That nothing bothers you. With that I leave for another day of 'living'.
So when I started writing this I was actually gonna do something more light hearted involving hair malfunctions but as it went on I realised how much better and meaningful it could be... Hope it's not too depressing aye! And please comment your thoughts, I know it's short but it's just meant to give insight to Rose's emotions on a more personal level. The next chapter should hopefully be coming soon. For now I hope you enjoyed MRGJHRR16