Love and Lies

Chapter 11 - Revealing the truth.

‘I’m….I’m sorry, WHAT?!’ The words processed in my mind before shocking me. I stared back at him absolutely dumbfounded….He just said murderer? ‘MURDERER?!’ He winced when I said that word before letting out a sigh and collapsing onto the bed.

‘Yes.’ I heard him mumble before he pulled me down. I was now led next to him, our faces a few inches away from each other, his breath warm on my nose, his eyes searching mine.

‘You don’t look scared’ He looked almost confused. ‘Why aren’t you scared?’

‘You don’t scare me William…or Samuel. You are still my friend no matter what you are. No matter who you are. I still love you just as much as I….’  Hang on; I did just say that didn’t I?!

‘Um… I mean … I’m still going to …’ I trailed off embarrassed, but he was emotionless. I couldn’t tell whether he was happy or sad. He just looked…. Normal. Maybe he knew I loved him so it wasn’t a shock. Maybe he didn’t really care. Or even worse maybe he didn’t like me like that. Ugh, I really hated how I felt when I was around him… I couldn’t keep my eyes off him and the tension between us is unbearable when we were 15 feet away, but now he was close enough to touch, the tension was torturous.  Oh my god what have I done…. I was pulled from my internal conflict by his gorgeous voice.

‘I should explain, shouldn’t I?’    I nodded in agreement.

‘It was my dad. I killed my dad…umm, I’ll start from the beginning. I was born into a dysfunctional family. My mother is Martha Berry and my dad was Rupert Fitz-Harding. They were hopelessly in love and one day, well they discovered me. I suppose, in one sense, I was a mistake. They were both very young and I wasn’t exactly expected. My dad wanted to get rid of me but my mum kept me. Well, that decision parted my mum and dad’s relationship and the fact that he became a severe alcohol and drug addict did too.

A year or two after I was born, my mother managed to get in contact with him again and she explained to him how she thought it was a bad idea I didn’t get to see my father. So from the age of 5 upwards, I would see my dad on the first Sunday of each month. I didn’t really understand all of it when I was younger. But as I grew older…well, he got taken up in drugs and alcohol again. At that point, my mum got a new boyfriend so I would stay weekends at my dad’s. That is when he started to beat me. I was 10.’ His eyes grew dark and he shut them quickly and let out a shaky breath. I grabbed his hands and held them in mine.

‘It’s alright, you don’t have to keep going if you don’t want to, I understand. I’m here for you.’ I squeezed his hands and he laughed lightly and squeezed back. Then he opened his eyes.

‘No… No it’s alright. So basically, from the age of 10 to 12, he beat me, but my mum was too caught up with Derek, that’s her boyfriend, to notice. So when I was 12, after a night of beating, I decided I’d kill him. I didn’t…. I didn’t think I’d really do it. But before I knew it, I had the knife in my hands and the blade went right through his back. My own father betrayed me of a happy childhood. So I’d stab him in the back for it…quite literally it seemed. I don’t even know what I did or why I did it. All I knew was I wanted that bastard out of my life. I watched him die on the kitchen floor… I can still remember it now.

After I realised what I’d done, I called an ambulance, he got taken away and the police took me away. They found out I had drugs in my system. How it got there I have no idea…That’s what influenced me to have that erratic behaviour and because I was so young it took a dramatic effect on me.

 I told them all about the beatings and everything that had happened. Because of this they didn’t charge me with anything. They knew about my past and that I had drugs in me …their main priority was to get me out of there. Quick.

My dad belonged to a gang….I think he was also a drug dealer…and they’d all be coming after me. I have no idea what for but for something. They put me under the protection programme…sent me off to a new family, under a new name, in a new place blah blah. But I was allowed to take some possessions, like all my books and pictures.

That was when I was 13, but the gang found me. The police moved me and changed my name, but they found me. I went to 8 different places and they have found me at every single one. They have even found me now. The guy in the black, he’s one of them. He etches murderer into the exact same place I stabbed my dad. I wanted to protect you Zara …. Oh please don’t judge me. I’m not like Samuel… I’m not him anymore’ His eyes welled up with tears and he brought my hands up to his chest. He snivelled and played with my fingers. ‘Please don’t hate me.’

‘William, I could never hate you! Don’t ever think that. I’m not going to judge you. I just need time to get used to all this. It’s just a bit of a surprise.’ He nodded to show he understood. ‘I’m still going to see you as the sweet, caring, beautiful man I’ve always seen you as…nothing will change that…hating you is far from what I feel for you…’ I looked down but not quickly enough to not see his eyes flicker to my lips. I looked back up and he was now looking deep into my eyes, almost all the way into my soul. I closed my eyes. Oh my GOD what am I saying?! What is he doing?! I didn’t care. I didn’t care what he was. I accepted him no matter what. I loved him no matter what. I had to tell him now. I breathed out, ready for this to happen. He’d been completely honest with me; I needed to tell him now. I quickly ran through my well-thought-out speech in my head and sucked in just enough air to deliver it when his lips crashed down on mine. 

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Lucy- you wanted me to upload so here it is ;p just for you :)

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