Love and Lies

Chapter 12 - Running away and getting carried away.

‘Er…errrrrrrr’ I mumbled when he let me go. A smile crept onto my lips but I soon wiped it off grabbed my keys and bag and ran out of the house as fast as I could. What just……what just happened. I had to get home and just…Calm down. I jogged the few hundred metres home then rushed up the stairs. I collapsed into my bed face first, throwing my belongings onto the floor in the process. Oh my god. Oh my …….oh my he just kissed me! My first kiss! And ….well, did he move in first?! Did he really want to kiss me? Did I just look sad? But if I looked sad surely he would have hugged me…no he wanted to kiss me. Why? Does he like me? Surely he can’t...But I love him and I wanted to kiss him … My phone bleeped.

2 new messages; William mobile and Unknown.

‘Hey, um sorry… I got carried away. Let’s just forget that…. :/ W x’

‘Hi, this is Jonah. How u doin babe? Feels like ages since we talkd… u been hanging round wiv that William kid rite?’

An array of emotions boiled up inside me as I screamed out and threw my phone at the wall. WHY ME?! Why always me. Why couldn’t I just pick the right boys?! The ones who could love me and I’d love them back. That’s it. Plain innocent love. That’s what I need. Not some twisted jerk and a murderer. Ugh. The tears I held down sprang up and came flowing down my cheeks, though I had no intention to stop them. Fury was all I felt. Anger. I was stupid; I couldn’t pick someone to love. At William. Carried away?! That means he didn’t want to do it and that it was a mistake. At Jonah. He just thinks he can come back and it’ll be all fine. And he must have been keeping a close eye on me to know I was with William.

I stood up from the bed, frustration running through every vein, conjuring up hate in my body. Screaming, I shoved all the random belongings from the top of my drawers onto the floor violently; smashing a glass vase and a picture of me and William. I viciously tore open my desk drawers, grabbed my diary and ripped out all the pages. Who needed love?! I wanted to forget them both. I fumbled through the rest of the draw to find a picture of Jonah which I tore to shreds. His once beautiful grin only mocked me. Like he knew he had pulled me in. His gorgeous eyes were fixed on the camera, almost looking at me. I threw the scraps on the floor as my vision became blurred from the tears in my eyes. I threw myself into the bed, realising everything I’d just done.

‘Honey…..’ the door creaked open and mum’s calm, quiet voice pierced my thoughts.

‘What’s wrong?’ she edged closer to my bed slowly and sat on the end. ‘Awwh, my baby..’ She pulled me up and pulled me close, almost cradling me in her arms like she did when I was a little girl. I missed her arms. I missed hearing her heart beat in time with mine. I missed that motherly love that I never managed to accept.

‘Love sucks.’ I moaned into her as I rubbed my nose on my sleeve and wiped my eyes.

‘I know sweetheart…..shhh’ she stroked my hair and I calmed down.

‘I want to curl up and die.’ I said honestly. The thoughts were too much. I was so tired. Getting angry always makes me tired. And crying.

‘Ok…. I’ll leave you then’ my mum kissed my forehead then left slowly.

I curled up on my bed, into the foetal position under the quilts. I quickly replied to William and Jonah.

To; Unknown.

‘Hi, yeah I know, I’ve missed you :/ and yeah, I am friends with William why?’

To; William mobile.

‘I love you.’

And with that I closed my eyes and drifted into a deep slumber.