It's 7 o'clock. Joe woke me up. We have to be out of here in two hours. We are running late, so Joe helps me organise my things.
We take a train to Liverpool,we stay in a hotel,it's nicer than the one in Bristol. As soon as I get in there I lay on the bed. I'm so tired. I'm also upset,for some reason I can't quite work out,I feel like something is going to go wrong.
I decide to write down my feelings.
"I don't know anymore. Joe seems so happy without me. I don't know if he needs me. He won't read this. I HOPE. I guess he needs to know how I feel. But it's hard to express my feelings to anyone. I love him. I just always feel like he's going to replace me, because of my past. I don't have a life worth living, goodbye."
Joe,who just came out the shower. Looked at me. Like I just killed someone. He saw the paper in my hands,I slide it under the pillow.
"Hannah,what's that?"
"Nothing Joe,nothing."
"If it's nothing Hannah then show me it."
"Make me," I demand and smile at him.
He tries to get his hands under the pillows. He pulls my jacket off me.
"You said you wouldn't..."
I say nothing. I just get off the bed and walk over to the bathroom. I lock the door. I just sit there. Wondering what Joes doing.
Joe's pov
Hannah locked herself in the bathroom. I looked under the pillow at the paper. I thought it would be a bill, but no.
"I don't know anymore. Joe seems so happy without me. I don't know if he needs me. He won't read this. I HOPE."
I don't want to read on,but I do.
I guess he needs to know how I feel. "But it's hard to express my feelings to anyone. I love him. I just always feel like he's going to replace me, because of my past. I don't have a life worth living, goodbye."
I start to cry,I think Hannah hears me.
Hannah's pov
I can hear Joe crying. I go back into the main room.
"Joe..."
He looks straight past me,like I'm a ghost.
"Joe....?"
He looks at me again. He takes my hand,he looks at my arms. I feel his hand shaking as he hugs me.
"I'm sorry."
"I saw what you said,Hannah."
I begin to cry. I'm shaking,I don't think this is normal.
"It's going to be okay Hannah."
Joe gets me into the bed,he throws the blanket over me,he's trying to make me warm.
"I'm fine", I say as I shake the blanket off me.
"You don't look fine Hannah. You have gone pale."
"Shit. Have I?"
"Yes you have."
I hide under the blanket.
"I'm sorry Joe. I'm not good enough. I never will be. Your just end up finding someone better than me. Your leave me. The viewers are right, I'm not worth your time." I start to cry.
"You are worth my time, he sits on the bed. I'm still under the blanket. I pull the blanket off me. I look at Joe. We both just stare at each other. Without saying anything. He places his hands on my face and pulls me close. He gently kisses me. I kiss him back.
E X T R A ?
He takes me around Liverpool. He has to go to the venue by half past ten.
"Joe. I want to sit out this one, and if people want to talk to me then get me. I'll just be in the room behind. I'm just not feeling my self." I say, when we get to the venue.
"I understand your not your self Hannah." His voice sounds upset.
About ten minutes before it starts, Joe goes out of the room and into the main area. He shows me something. It's a picture on Instagram. There's videos as well. Everyone is telling me to get better. Joe tweeted this morning saying I'm ill. That's all he said. But I'm glad people actually care about me.
