Some things always seem to last

Chapter 3 - The guy who had broken my heart

Loving Nicky was very easy. Too easy. I couldn't stop myself from smiling at him. One part of me was happy to have him back. Not only that he was my highschool crush he had been my best friend for all of my life. As long as I remembered he has been there. Even when he has been to England for playing soccer we stayed in contact and I was his girl. I had never doubted that I would marry him and that we would live happily ever after.

That was until the day he came back from a little promo tour with Westlife and told me that we could not longer see each other. Sweety, I have the chance of my life. He has said to me that day. You know that it was always my dream making music. Now this dream could come true and I want to concentrate on that. I was so shocked that I have just stared at him in disbelieve. See, it wouldn't be fair to you. And then he had left. My heart was broken in thousand pieces and I wasn't myself anymore. It was like losing my life back then. He had been everything to me for my whole life. He has been everything I knew. He was my lover, my best friend, the one I came to when I was sad, the one I came to when I was happy. I had to admit that there was nobody in my life that was nowhere that important to me. And in that one little moment I had lost everything.

It took my very long to recover from that. Step by step, brick by brick I had built my life up again. I went to college and I made new friends. And I had found something I loved. After studying literature I began to work at a small publishing house.

But I have never found love again. It took me about three years until I saw other guys and another year before I started dating again. But that's what they stayed - dates. I didn't want any of those guys. I hadn't even kissed one of them. They were all very nice guys, but I had no will kissing them. Not to think of anything else!

It was like that there was this sharp razor in me. Everytime I got closer to anybody it would cut my inner self. It was like I was stopping myself from loving someone else. In this moment there was no pain, it was very peaceful inside of me. My heartbeat was steady and my breath was calm. He was the one I wanted so badly. I couldn't wait for his lips touching mine.

But he was also the one who had put me through all of that. He was the one who had broken my heart. He was the one who had given me the world just to take it away from me. Tears filled my eyes when I decided to never let that happen again. I would never give him that power over me again.

Nico... I said quietly and excaped from his warm and cozy embrace. ... please don't!