home. | clexa {a short story} ✔️

8. feel8ngs

clarke's breathing hitched at lexa's words.

she's never felt so special, so relaxed, so cared for. lexa made her feel like she was the only one in the world at the moment. lexa made her feel like everything was okay, and there was a reason for being here, for living. she had wondered, what was it about lexa? now she knew.

she loved lexa.

and loving someone was strange for clarke. she didn't love after Finn, she couldn't be with anyone she loved after the incident. she felt like she was going to hurt them, to ruin their life like she did too finn. she was scared. so so scared. so broken. she needed help, that was what therapy was for, right? but every time she went there, she was reminded of why she was there. it hurt, that's why she cut.

she found a better therapy: lexa.

but would lexa remind her of the memories, why she was there, too?

she was unaware of lexa staring into her eyes.

clarke remembered that if you have an idea and don't commit to it in under 3 seconds, it wasn't worth it.

1.....

she stared back into lexa's warm, green, eyes. they reminded her of nature, of peace.

2.....

clarke quickly put her arms around lexa's neck, making the brunette look at her in confusion.

"clarke?"

3.

clarke's lips were touching lexa's. the kiss was nowhere near light and soft. there was passion, emotion, desperation. sadness. she wanted lexa more than anything else. lexa had quickly responded to the kiss, deepening it slightly. her soft hands were on clarke's chin.

finn.

he had always touched clarke's chin during a kiss. it was always more of a rough gesture though.

still.

it reminded her.

clarke quickly pulled back and lexa stared at her worriedly. she was confused. clarke could tell, she wanted to say something, but not the wrong thing.

"clarke- i need to tell-"

"no lexa. i can't- i can't do this."

clarke stormed out the door of her house, taking her keys, leaving lexa shocked.

//

lexa had so many feelings.

clarke kissed her. clarke kissed her. the girl she had fallen in love with. the girl she met on kik, desperately trying to find an escape. the girl that set her free, that was her help. her therapy. her rock. she kissed lexa.

"i can't do this."

what did it mean?

lexa felt like she did something wrong. maybe clarke only wanted to be friends, to just live together as roommates. maybe she just kissed her because she wanted to see how kissing a girl felt like. maybe she kissed her because she pretended it was her boyfriend.

maybe lexa was nothing to clarke.

lexa didn't even realize the tears running down her cheeks. her throat tightened as she choked a sob.

she never wanted someone so much.

she wanted clarke so bad. but clarke- she didn't want her did she? she was just a distraction? just being used?

anger and sadness weighed on her sinking heart. she buried her head into the couch, where clarke's sent remained. she breathed in. it had only been a while, but she missed clarke.

she needed her.

stressed, lexa feel into a nap. she hoped she wouldn't wake up. she didn't want to face clarke, someone who didn't love her.

//

when lexa woke up, she heard clarke in the kitchen. she wanted to avoid her for the night, as much as she wanted to ask her what she felt.

angered, lexa walked into the kitchen.

"hello, clarke."

clarke looked up. her eyes widened, but they were sad and dreary. and nervous.

"l-lexa. ca-can we talk?"

lexa slowly nodded.

"i wanted to apologize of leaving. i- the kiss- it reminded me of him."

oh.

"well, im not him, is fine." lexa spat.

"look i-"

"yes i am looking, and i can fucking see you are not in love with me. but guess what? im in love with you! i want to give you everything, i want to make you happy okay? but i can't do fucking anything with you whining about your past. get over that shit. and if you don't care, send me out. you'd rather have him!"

clarke stared at her in shock.

that's when lexa realized she said the wrong thing.

A/N: thanks for 90 reads and 10 votes!! it seriously means a lot lol. love you guys x