Battlefield ★ Bucky Barnes

IV. He Won't Be Coming Home

JANUARY 1945

Steve trekked slowly down the familiar street, his jacket pulled tightly over his chest. It was cold out, but he wasn't bothered much. He couldn't be bothered by something as irrelevant as the temperature outside after everything that had happened within the last couple of days.

It was still so hard for him to wrap his head around everything. He didn't want to believe that what happened had actually happened. He didn't want to believe that he could've tried harder to save him. He didn't want to believe that he had let him slip so easily through his fingers, and in doing so he had not only let him down, but he had also let her down.

Steve trailed slowly up the stairs to the familiar apartment, the apartment he had practically spent his whole life. It was home to his small family of three, though that family was now down a member. He could feel that much just standing in front of the door. It didn't feel right, it didn't feel whole, and he doubted it ever would again.

After releasing a shaky breath, Steve raised his hand to the door, pressing his knuckles repeatedly against the smooth texture. Normally he would've just walked in, considering it was his home, but he just couldn't bring himself to do so.

He waited for several seconds before the sound of footsteps could be heard on the other side of the door, and the moment it opened he looked up from the ground.

Connie stood at the door with an excited smile on her face, though it dropped when she noticed just how red and sad his eyes were. His face was stained with tears and she wasn't sure why, but she was terrified to find out.

"Steve?" Connie spoke as she pulled him into their shared apartment. She closed the door behind the two of them and led him over to the couch to sit down. "What's wrong, Steve? Why are you cryin'?"

Steve sniffed and wiped his face before grabbing Connie's hand in his own; it brought him some comfort, but it was definitely not enough. "There's something that you need to know, Con," Steve spoke, his voice strained.

Connie furrowed her eyebrows in confusion and slight anticipation. She wanted to ask him what it was, but the broken expression on his face terrified her. Her mind was conjuring up the worst possible scenarios as she sat by him, and they didn't seem to want to disappear no matter how hard she tried to force them away.

"I'm confused, Steve?"

Steve let out a sigh as his blue eyes met hers. He could already see the forming sadness inside them as she tried to work out what could possibly be wrong, and that was part of the reason he wanted to be the one to tell her himself rather than letting her find out from a letter. He wanted to comfort her after the initial blow, and he couldn't exactly do that had he not insisted on telling her in person.

"It's Bucky," Steve spoke quietly.

Connie's breath hitched in her throat as she began to put all of the pieces together, but she didn't want to believe it could be true, not for a single second. "W-what about B-Bucky?"

"He—he won't be coming home, Connie."

In a single instant Connie's entire demeanor had changed. Steve could practically feel the pain and the brokenness rushing into her body; he could feel it overwhelming her to a horrifying extent. Her brown eyes were no longer glowing and happy as they always were, but instead they had grown dull, empty, and tear-filled. Her entire being had shattered in a single second, and all it had taken was six words.

"No." Connie's voice was barely above a whisper. "He can't be. . .no, please tell me you're lying."

A few tears slipped from Steve's eyes at the mere sight of her. "I wish I was, doll. I really do wish I was."

Connie stopped and took a deep breath as she attempted to process the information she had just received. Her lover, her soulmate, her best friend, and her protector was gone. It wasn't something she wanted to believe at all, and even now as she tried to gather her torturous thoughts she still refused to believe it, but it appeared as if she had no choice in the matter, at least not at the moment she didn't.

Bucky was supposed to come home. She was supposed to wait for him to come home. The war was supposed to end, and the two of them were supposed to finally begin their lives together. Now that was impossible, much to Connie's despair. She would never get to marry James Barnes as she had always dreamed of doing, and she would never get to start a family with him as he had always talked to her about doing. She was so excited to spend the rest of her life with Bucky, but the possibility of it had been viciously ripped away from her.

Before Steve could even think, Connie was bursting into tears. He grabbed her and pulled her to him, squeezing her body tightly as if to send her even the slightest bit of comfort. He doubted it would work, as it hadn't worked for him. Bucky was the only one capable of providing the two of them with the comfort they needed, but he wasn't there and he never would be.

"I'm so sorry, Connie," Steve said to her as he held her, though he knew his apology didn't mean anything. An apology wouldn't bring Bucky back.

Connie only continued to cry, and she held Steve as tightly as she possibly could. She feared that if he wasn't there for her, she would've completely fallen apart. But once he left again she would be at a crossroads. Bucky and Steve were the only two people she had in life, and with Bucky gone, Steve was all she had left. She wouldn't know what to do without him, and truth be told, she didn't want to think of what would happen to her without him.

"I promise I will do whatever it takes to avenge him, okay?" Steve said as he ran his hand over her back.

Connie elected not to give a verbal response. Instead, she hugged him tighter in her arms and continued crying. Steve could only hold her as she did, and before long he was left to watch as she fell victim to the horrible emotional exhaustion that riddled her body. Soon she fell into the darkness and Steve was left to ponder over his thoughts as he wondered what it was going to take to see that smile his best friend adored so much light up her face again.