Battlefield ★ Bucky Barnes

XL. What Did You Do?

Her skin was pale and cold. Her lips had lost the beautiful pink tint that he loved so much. Her hair was now a dull brown, rather than the vibrant and shiny brown it normally was. Multiple IV's had been placed into her skin, and a breathing tube had been forced down her throat to assist her in breathing, a simple activity that she could no longer do herself because of her wounds.

Seeing Connie in such a state broke Bucky's heart, and knowing that she was in it because of him only made him feel worse. She had come to save him, and in doing so she had almost gotten herself killed. Hell, she had gotten herself killed, but Jemma Simmons was good at what she did as Bucky had come to discover. Bucky would forever be grateful to her for bringing Connie back, but things weren't over just yet.

Even with her advanced physiology, Connie's wounds were still very life threatening. Ward had shot straight through Connie's stomach, her liver, and he had also perforated her small intestine, which left her with a 40% chance in ever waking up again. She was barely holding on, but she was holding on, nonetheless. She was a fighter, as both Bucky and Steve knew, as well as Phil, and she would fight until she couldn't anymore.

As Bucky stood by her room window, Steve walked up to stand beside him, shoving his hands into his pocket and looking through the glass at his battered sister. He let out a breath and glanced over at Bucky before once again focusing his attention on Connie.

"Any updates from Simmons?" he inquired, his tone one of defeat. Steve hated seeing Connie in her state just as much as Bucky and Phil did. He was the one that watched her go down, and he was the one who carried her as quickly as he could back to the plane as Jemma had told him to do.

However, Steve's efforts to get her on board had been less than careful as he had been told to make sure of. Connie's heart stopped only yards from the entrance of the plane. It was something he still had yet to forgive himself for, even after a blood transfusion and CPR had been successful. He believed that if it hadn't, her loss would've been his fault, and that was something he never would've been able to live with.

"Not yet," Bucky spoke quietly. He had hardly spoken to Steve since he had been on board. It wasn't that he didn't want to, but their situation with Connie and Bucky's reasoning behind keeping Steve in the dark prevented much conversation. He didn't know how to tell Steve why he wanted to keep him in the dark, nor did he know how to tell Steve that after all of this was over. . .he was leaving again.

Steve let out a sigh and looked at Bucky, tears pooling in his eyes as he did. He was so emotionally unstable at the moment due to the situation, so of course seeing and interacting with his best friend after so many years would provoke an emotional reaction from Steve. The last time he had seen Bucky, he'd been on the helicarrier in a completely different mindset than he appeared to be in now. As Steve looked at him now, he could sense that the Bucky he knew all those years ago was present, and he knew it was because of the small brunette laying soundly in her medical chamber.

"I was so mad at her for keeping you from me," Steve spoke to Bucky with a strained voice. "She's the one person on the planet I can trust to tell me absolutely anything, so when Phil was the one to call me and tell me that Connie had been staying with you in Bucharest to look after you. . .well, let's just say I've never felt so disappointed in my life."

Bucky swallowed the lump in his throat. "I told her not to tell you, don't be mad at her, Steve."

"She told me."

"Then wha—"

"Why didn't you want me to know?" Steve asked him with a frown on his face. "Why did she want me to know, but you didn't?"

Bucky sighed and ran a hand over his bruised face. "Because I was afraid, okay? I was afraid you'd look at me and hate what I had become, and that was something I couldn't live with. I couldn't give a single damn about what anyone else on this Earth thought of me, but if you or Connie ever hated me I wouldn't know what to do with myself."