His Love

{Part One} Chapter 10:

"Okay time to go." I told Luke while I closed my bedroom door and opened my window.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have come." He said.

"Why are you apologizing? I haven't gotten caught yet. Now go." I ordered and basically shoved him out of the window.

"Wait Carissa when will we see each other again?"

"I don't know but right now you really have to go."

"Okay, I'll call you tonight." He said and cupped my cheek before he moved in to kiss me. I quickly placed my fingers over his lips.

"Maybe we shouldn't."

"Its just a goodbye kiss." He said confusion clearly written all over his face. "Why cant I kiss you?"

Once he asked that, without meaning to, my eyes shot towards Brody's box on my desk.

"Oh, so the feelings are mutual."

"No Luke its not that, I swear. Its just..."

"Just what Carissa? We almost had sex today, you told me that was what you wanted but now that you know Brody is okay I cant even kiss you!"

"Luke, listen to me Brody has nothing to do with this...okay well he has a little to do with it."

"What do you mean?"

"Well really its nothing, its just that before he left for boot camp, I thought I may have been in love with him-"

"You were in love with him! You told me you didn't feel the same way!"

"Because I don't. Well now I don't, but he had the guts to tell me how he feels about me and he's coming here for my birthday in September. I know how I feel about when he's not here with me, but seeing him again...I have no idea how I'm gonna feel about him."

"Well then-I... guess we know where we stand then."

"Luke-."

"I'll call you tonight alright?"

"Luke?"

"Alright?"

"Alright."

"Goodnight Crissy." He said and hugged me before leaving.

"Goodnight Hemmings." I said and closed my window.

That night I felt so terrible about myself, about putting Luke through all this, I couldn't sleep couldn't even close my eyes. I could only cry as silently as possible because I was so confused and angry with myself.

Why couldn't I have just kissed Luke goodnight, why didn't wait for him to leave to open the box. Why does Brody make me feel all these things inside when he's all the way in Missouri getting ready to battle over seas. And why do you I have the exact same feelings for Luke, why the hell is life so goddamn irritating and frustrating!

Luke's P.O.V.

"Okay I'll call you tonight." I said and slowly moved in to peck her lips but once I got within a few centimeters from her she placed her fingers over my lips and stopped me. "Why can't I kiss you?" I asked confused, yeah her mom and sister were back but they were both already inside and her door was closed and locked.

Then I saw her look over at the box her friend Brody had sent her. I'm not stupid I can put and two and two together, she liked him back. "Oh, so the feelings are mutual."

"No Luke its not that, I swear. Its just..." But she left her sentence unfinished and I knew if I didn't press her now then she'd change the subject and push it off til she absolutely had to talk about it.

"Its just what Carissa? Today we almost had sex, you told me that was what you wanted, but now that you know Brody is okay I cant even kiss you!"

"Luke, listen to me Brody has nothing to do with this....okay well he has a little to do with it."

"What do you mean?" I asked even though I already knew exactly what she meant, she had feelings for both me and Brody, but I needed to hear her say it.

"Well really its nothing its just that before he left for boot camp, I thought I may have been in love with him-"

"You were in love with him! You told me you didn't feel the same way!"

"Because I don't. Well now I don't, but he had the guts to tell me how he feels about me and he's coming here for my birthday in September. I know how I feel about him when he's not here with me, but seeing him again... I have no idea how I'm gonna feel about him." She said and it hurt a lot. I could tell it was tearing her apart too, she cared about me but she also cared a lot about him too.

"Well then-I... guess we know where we stand then." I said though I wish I could take them back. Fuck that I wish I could take back this entire day and do everything over starting from when that box arrived, I should've just put it on the table and dragged her to her bed to finish what we had started.

But the minute I left she would've opened that box and read and saw everything in it, nothing in there would've changed just because I had sex with her. And eventually everything would just end up leading us to where we are now.

"Luke-" She started but I didn't want to hear it, she needed to decide to she truly cares for and she cant do that with me breathing down her neck.

"I'll call you tonight alright?"

"Luke?"

"Alright?" I asked again. She needed to say it we both knew it meant so much more then just us being friends, it was our goodbye.

"Alright." She finally said.

"Goodnight Crissy." I said hoping that maybe I could play this off like I wasn't hurting inside, like it didn't hurt that the girl I loved had feelings for me and for someone else. But I knew it was a lie she just didn't have to know that.

"Goodnight Hemmings." She said as I walked over to Ky's house, where my car was parked.

I got in and drove off towards our hotel, judge me all you want but once I parked the car in the parking lot I cried. Love hurt so much when you don't know if it'll last. But I knew, I knew she wouldn't pick me. She's known that Brody guy her entire life and she's only met me in person five times. Brody can protect her if she ever needs it, what exactly could I do? sing them away, right!

Maybe Brody is just the better man for her, but I'd be damned if I ever said that I could give up on her, she meant too much to me to ever give her up to some military dude that I've never even heard of. Even if she doesn't choose me I'll still fight for her, it'd be impossible for me not to.