therapy ;; phan

lost

; tw- depression, small mentions of self-harm

daniel james howell was lost.

now, dan hadn't been depressed in a while. even though he wore black half the time, and usually stayed inside avoiding other humans, he wasn't depressed.  he was the type of person who spent his time laughing at some post on tumblr, or lying in bed watching anime, or making sarcastic jokes to the few friends he had. his life was easygoing, and simple. there was never anything or anyone to be depressed about.

that didn't mean it hadn't happened before.

the last time dan was depressed was when he was fifteen, and luckily, his boyfriend at the time was there to pull him out of it. anytime he was sad, he had cheered him up. he had often cried or rambled about how much his life had sucked, but his boyfriend would convince dan that he had importance, and then make him laugh until his ribs ached. slowly, the depression went away, and dan found himself being happy again. with phil.

but it happened again. for dan howell, all the blue skies had turned grey, and life had lost it's meaning. dan should have been a husband one week ago, but instead, he spent most of his time crying. everything was pointless now, and this time, he didn't have any 'phil' to make him feel happy again.

dan couldn't stand the memories this small house held. the yelling, oh, so much yelling. it was in this very house where dan howell found out that his fiancé had cheated on him in the past. it hurt him very much, knowing he wasn't enough. she left him, and hadn't come back. not like dan was expecting her to, anyway.

in the week after she left him, dan hadn't eaten much. he spent a lot of time in bed, crying, regretting coming out to her. he even pulled out his blades again, and sliced them across his skin. dan was becoming weaker every day, but he knew he had to get out of this mess.

unlike others, who were frightened or annoyed at the thought of seeking for help, dan howell took it upon himself to begin therapy for his depression. the main reason for this is because dan worked at a library, and his boss had recently been paying him less for 'slacking off'. when really, dan howell was just sad. but he needed the money. he had to get better.

dan howell googled and found a place, and scheduled weekly sessions for himself.

and then it was done. no going back now.

his first session was tomorrow.