VII. Ghosts of Lover's Past

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August 20, 1992Chicago, Illinois

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August 20, 1992
Chicago, Illinois

Spending an extra two weeks in California was a plan that came to me strictly in the name of entertaining Eddie in the best way I could. I wanted him to have the time of his life and I accomplished that mission. We went on yachts, we went to the beach. We even had dinner with Michael, someone Eddie'd never met and boy, did he lose his cool on that one. I gave him the perfect summer to make up for lost time. My final big sister move was sneaking him into a nightclub with the knowledge Halle Berry, his actress crush, frequents this exact club.

We came home and I hired a realtor the moment I touched down. I meant it when I said I wanted to move. Though I am remaining in my same state, I want something more spacious. I found the perfect place in three days. I've officially moved from my downtown unit, migrating further north to the city's outskirts.

When I see too many things in the wrong rooms, I begin having a panic attack. I don't know how to control myself. "No! Those go downstairs!" I don't mean to yell. I'm just freaking the hell out.

"I'm sorry," Aaliyah hollers back at me.

I ended up moving into the same gated community my sister has been eyeing for months. The city that I wanted to live in doesn't have the right home to fit me and what I need right now. I live by myself and I don't see why I should buy myself an eighteen-room mansion when it'll only be me for now. Just like Tupac said a last year, that's selfish! I need something spacious yet intimate. I need the space for a studio and rooms for guests but nothing too extravagant. If Mike, Ike, and Buffy want to stay with me then they need the space to be able to.

This house has five bedrooms and five and a half bathrooms. A master bedroom and four other bedrooms.  This way Mike, Ike, and Buffy each have rooms and there is still space for Eddie. There's a pool in the back. It's the size of a small lake. My basement is actively being converted into a recording studio as San Francisco is the last time I will ever crave the space to record in the middle of the night and be trapped. The only extra room is the den upstairs, where I've placed all of my awards and my yoga station.

Eddie sets down another box of dishes on the counter with the kind of ease that doesn't make me regret refusing to hire strangers to unpack all of my things. "These go in here, right?" His baseball cap hanging off his sweaty forehead, he glances up at me in search of an answer.

"Yeah," I say, speed walking over to push the box on the counter more. He always sets things halfway on surfaces and they are most often bound to fall. It drives me crazy. "Thank you guys soooo much!" I say to everyone as we walk to the living room. My hand rests easily on Maria's shoulder as I breathe.

Uncle Dorian kisses my cheek on his way out. "See you later, Cupcake!" He turns to Aaliyah, "Cookie." He turns again to face Alexis, "Lexi." Finally, he twirls one last time to the family. "Goodbye, family!" Maria waves behind him and they head out of the door.

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