After nine years of being attached at the hip, Lyric and Prince finally split. Now, on the road to recovery, she learns a new way to view life as Prince is forced to face the music of a song he never wanted to played aloud. Join them as they learn a...
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April 8, 1996 Los Angeles, California
Any true addict knows there's no such thing as casual use. You're either clean or you're using. Much to my personal dismay, I've relapsed.
It started with the elevator. No arguments but enough tension for us to know we both still care. He left and I tried to ignore it. Then, in the true fashion of us, we wound up at the same restaurant. My inability to book myself under a new name outside of my past alias of Zannah Li and his knowledge of my suite location, he didn't have a hard time calling my room. First, came his apology. Then, came his explanation. Seeing it through his eyes, I found the genuine attempt at peacekeeping in his choice not to invite me to the wedding. I understand.
Like a portal was opened, we couldn't escape each other. He had a business dinner in Chicago, dining at 36 Tastebuds. That night, he called me. It was a light-hearted, but short, call. I saw him again at a stoplight in Minneapolis as I visited Quinn, playing true to my godmommy duties. Jason with me in my car, I didn't say anything. Our eyes locked and the greeting we shared spoke to the volume of red cherries and warm blueberries. He called Quinn's home that night as I was there. We snowballed from that point on.
Sitting on the balcony section of my condo, I can see the beach from here. I watch over the city as I express myself in my journal. The newlywed is asleep in my bedroom, having fallen asleep talking as he was updating me on his battle against our shared record label. He looks tired so I left him. When I got up, I came out here to write in this special little book of mine.
4/8/96
We did it again. I don't know how this keeps happening to us but we did it again. Every time it restarts, I feel alive again. I hate the completeness I feel right now. Why are we the way that we are? Granted, I'd never sleep with a married man but I don't think our partners would be too fond of our reunion. I, on the other hand, selfishly bask in it. The knowledge that I have someone that fully understands me is a comforting thought. This is a friendship I wish weren't a secret... But I do understand why it is this way.
My biggest fear is one of us falling in love. Real love, not that infatuation phase we lived through. In my last relationship, I learned what real love is. That experience taught me that I wasn't in love with Prince. I carried deep, deep adoration for him and was attracted to him. I loved the idea of the person I knew would always care for me no matter what being who I could spent my life with... Plus the sex was great. I loved him, but I wasn't in love with him. To fall in love with him in the way I now know I can love someone terrifies me. His wife is pregnant and I have Jason. I only want to be friends... Yet every time we vent or make each other laugh, my fear grows in size. I think I'm fucked again already. I hate this. I just want my best friend back.
