February 13, 1996
Chicago IllinoisI have been in the house two months. The last time I left was in December to go to the premiere of Waiting To Exhale. I came home as soon as I could, not looking back the moment I was granted the freedom to escape. I won my first Academy Award too, a win coming from Clueless after I gifted them an original song for the film's theme, but I wasn't there to accept it. I had it shipped here. Aaliyah kept it warm, waiting for me to see it in person. I've fallen completely off the grid since. Nobody knows where I am except a select few.
Alexis comes barging through the door, bringing sunlight with her into my humble home. I don't want to be bothered. She should leave me to sulk in my corner of despair on this night of reflection that is accompanied by two tubs of ice cream and the thirty pounds I desire to gain.
"Okay." She clears her throat, frowning at my personalized snack bar I made myself. "Why are you in here eating like an ugly stepsister?" I can see she was trying to be funny but I'm not even feeling it. I'm not feeling anything.
My look asks the question for me. Can you please leave me to sit and relax? Her refusal to reply earns a verbalized version from me.
Rolling over on the couch, I flick through the channels my cable company has to offer. "What do you want?"
"You know what I want." She drops herself down on the edge of my couch. Her hands prop her body up. "I want you to be happy again. It's going to b—"
I cut her off. "Okay, that's enough. You can go home now."
"No, not if you're still crying about De."
"I'm not," I snap.
"Then what are you crying about? I don't understand your attitude." My eyes roll. I don't need to hear any of her shit right now. She thinks she can come in here preaching to me how to live my life. I'm tired. I deserve this rest. "You're above all of this. I know it hurts and I know your life drastically changed in another year but you gotta get the fuck up, Nelly! Be a sexy something again, at least! The mother of six hating the world look isn't you—"
My sister comes walking through the door with her arms full multiple bags. "Thanks a lot, Alexis. I appreciate the help," she grumbles, closing the front door with her foot. The thud of it closing damn near gives Scarlet a heart attack but I'm completely unfazed...
Yeah, maybe I am mad that word right now.
"You're welcome!" Alexis cheeses, deciding she's bold enough to take away one of my ice cream tubs and a spoon. "I'm trying to figure out why your sister is in here crying like the world is over. You know who isn't? Any of the people you're mad at. Where's DeVante, the one who got left? He's on tour," she emphasizes in my face. "Something you should be doing!"
I scold her. I don't want to hear any of that. She's always putting negativity out into the air. I don't like that. All of that internal work and Alexis still hasn't never learned to be positive. She does a damn good job at playing the role but she hasn't changed all that much.
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