Addicted [phan]

addicted

phils pov~
"you're crazy"
"no one can love you"
"i don't love you"
"leave"
Words swarmed in Phils head. He remembered seeing Dan, leaving the apartment they once laughed in, cuddled in, and did everything. Why did this happen. Phil was addicted to Dan, his touch, his laugh, his body.

dans pov~
I shivered and pressed the cold cigarette to my chapped lips, hugging the paper weapon as I clicked the lighter to life and lit it. The flickering light splashed onto my nicotine stained teeth and watery brown eyes; eyes contaminated by loss and pain as they slid shut while I inhaled the precious chemicals like they were my life support. The sweet toxins filled my lungs and I exhaled my relief in a cloud of purple grey smoke.
I missed Phil, his avalanche of jet black hair that tumbled out of his blankets a tousled mess, framing his freckled features.
After I left the apartment, I went to a hotel. It was horrible, the walls peeled, the tiles were cracked and shattered, the beds felt like bricks, and the room under me a couple had sex almost every single night.
But at this point I didn't care.
I didn't care every night was sleepless
I didn't care that I've become addicted to drugs
I didn't care that I've become an alcoholic
I only cared if Phil was okay.
I walked down the rugged pavement, my hands in my pocket trying to clench warmth. The cigarette rests on my chapped (and faded) lips.
I wanted to be close to Phil. Hold him, call him mine.
I have to admit, I fucked up. And I fucked up bad. I made Phil cry, even going so far to make him curse. Which he never does, barley even off camera.
"are you embarrassed to call me yours"
It wasn't true, I would love to walk around London holding Phil's hand and telling anyone that he was mine. I am just terrified people wouldn't accept me, yes I was being selfish only thinking about my feelings and not worrying about Phil's needs and desires.
But, I can't fix things anymore. Everything I have, is gone.

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hope you enjoyed💘