kik // phan

18

dan's pov;

the morning after was literal hell. thinking about going to that shithole they call a school terrifies me to no end. thinking about the constant words that people said 'behind my back' was enough to convince myself to stay under my warm covers, but things never go my way. i haul myself from the comfort of my bed and glance around my room trying to find some clean clothing. once i've dressed myself, i clamber downstairs to find that my family aren't here.. as always (on this occasion, i'm thankful they aren't.)  i proceed to grab myself a cereal bar from the kitchen, my backpack from the living room and also put on my vans next to the front door. i slide outside the door and lock the house up, knowing i'm on the best adventure of my life! not.

before i start walking, i set my headphones securely into my ears and start blasting feeling good by muse. i'm a big fan, and so is little sunshine philip as i found out yesterday. i already regret stepping foot outside of my house. i'd rather be inside, wrapped in my comfy and toasty bed covers talking to little philip. at this point i can't deny my undying love for phil, i think it's too obvious at this point.

whilst walking to school, i pull out my phone and shoot phil a quick message.

danisreallyonfire😇: hi little phil how are you feeling today daddy

after a few minutes of slowly walking, i arrive on the school premises and wander into my classroom, where i situate myself for the ongoing events of today. i wonder who's going to actually bother to speak to me, or let alone look at me. i'm thankful for that though, i don't think i could be anyone's friend here. all i need is my little philip.. i think i'm obsessed, but i always was. as i brace the next few minutes of hell..i mean class, my phone vibrates in my pocket which i swipe briskly out of my pocket to check the notification

philly☀️: hi danny im good thank you it was nice to talk to you last night but i cant stay for long as i got uni today and a video to record but ill speak to you soon

philly☀️: you should make a youtube though it would be so fun we could make videos together one day

danisreallyonfire😇: really? maybe one day soon philly and it was nice to talk to you too, maybe we could make videos one day

danisreallyonfire😇: ill speak to you later lion i guess:/

danisreallyonfire😇: i love you.

 Do you wish to send this message?

YES [] NO [X]

i couldn't tell phil i loved him. i'm actually just a joke. why would he even like me? i'm such a messed up twat. i'm the shy and anxious kid who won't even make friends with anyone and will only be friends with phil. i bet he feels bad for me, that's probably the only reason he's being nice to me. why would he even want anyone like me in his life? i'm such a bloody joke. i can't even handle him going away for a short period of time. i'm such a fuck up, why would anyone even want to be friends with me? that's why i've struggled to even make friends. i'm always so scared.

finally, after the own questionable debate i've just had with myself, the bell began to ring, sensing that it's now the end of the day. (days of school is short in this book and dan is me in school so ya know he's too busy debating his life choices to even focus on the 7 hours of education going on around him okay this is FICTIONAL LMAO) i quickly pack up my stationary and move rapidly to the door, making sure i'm the first one out so nobody can catch me in the hallway. i can't even stand myself, let alone others. on my way home, i receive more messages from phil as i had not responded to his messages he sent me earlier. i couldn't after my own terrifying and dark thoughts.