what you deserve..

✴C H A P T E R S I X T E E N✴

What you Deserve..
Chapter Sixteen

Symphani

Me and Isaiah was been together for an amazing year and a half. It's been Five months since the whole Miscarriage thing and although I think about it a lot we have grown from that.

I thought moving in with him was gonna be hard but it wasn't, nothing really change expect that I didn't have to pack an overnight bag, because all my stuff is here. Siah has been the perfect gentleman and spoils me rotten. For his birthday we went to Dubai and I had an awesome time, I've never Been to Dubai and since he has a house out there he told me we would visit there more often and I have no problem with him. If I'm not working, at school or with the girls I'm with Siah. He does work a lot and it not always home but he always checks up on me and takes me out when he have the opportunity.

With the whole Miscarriage thing I thought that was going to put on a stone in our relationship. I knew it hurt Isis and it definitely hurt me because I lost a baby .. again.

Telling Isaiah about my first miscarriage was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. It breaks my heart every time I thought about it. To think an almost 1 4 year old girl had a baby beaten out of her by Her step father.

And At the age of the 1 8 the same little girl lost her baby due to stress of being with a guy that didn't give a shit about her. To think that's just two of the fucked up things she has been through in her whole life.

Isaiah has talked about trying again and getting married in the future. But those are two things I'm not sure I wanna do. As crazy as it sounds I've never wanted to have kids, crazy right.

I've never wanted kids because I didn't know how I would be as a mother. I've never had a mother figure in my life, so what do I know about being a good mother. What do I know about being a mother period?

And after having three miscarriage maybe it's God telling me I shouldn't have kids at all. Now, Marriage I'm just not ready for that big jump. I mean I love Siah a lot but marriage is a huge commitment.

Waking up to a empty California bed I sat up and the light was shining out the blinds as I yawned and swung my legs over the bed. Hearing a vacuum cleaner, I knew Amina was here and hearing a yawn mower I guess the people was out there cutting and cleaning the yard. 

Going into the bathroom I did my daily routine. Isaiah was gone to New York New York on a business trip.

I was here alone with Francisco the chef, Benjamin or Benny and Ken the bodyguards Isis had hired to help me and keep me safe although I refused there's really no arguing with Siah demanding ass. And I had Libra the German Shepherd- Husky mix that Siah brought a couple months back.

"Good Morning" Francisco, Ken and Benny all greeted me as I walked in the kitchen as Libra followed behind me.

"Good morning guys" I said sitting down at the bar.

"Any plans today?"

"Three hours at the dance studio then I'm going to lunch with the girls that's it"

"Okay" Ken said sipping on his orange juice.

"You know y'all don't have to come right"