written on my grave~

chapter 1:Maybe

Reno

 “Cid, wake up.” Maybe she’s still sleeping and she needed me to wake her up but she could be very tired last night so she still needs sleep. Or maybe she’s already awake but if she is, she would email me, right? Ahh! Crap! She’s frying my head again.

But then, we were nothing more but strangers to each other now. She broke up with me. She or am I the one who broke up? But isn’t seeing her making out with that Alex guy meant breaking up with me? 

I thought this time it would work out for me and her. I thought everything was going strong and that we both love each other. Was I too imaginative and hopeful? Was I becoming something like before? Was I being so serious about her? But I do love her that was why I’m serious. Was that too much for her? Was she just playing around all this time? Or was I not enough? Or was I just over reacting? But she’s my girlfriend.

I DON’T KNOW!

All of it was beating the hell out of me over and over again. I just didn’t know what to do. I just didn’t know what was happening.

I love her, insanely.

And I fear to lose her. I always feared that this would have to happen. That she might be for me but I wasn’t for her. I feared to know that that would be a fact and how I wished for that thing to stay as one of my nightmares that would time to time vanish.

But then I had to face this.

But I don’t want to make her slip away in my hands.

Maybe I did just over react. Maybe I shouldn’t have shouted at her like that. I shouldn’t have made her cry. I should have talk to her nicely the moment she wanted to explain. Maybe the silent smile I threw at her was just making everything more complicated for her. I’m such a jerk. I shouldn’t have said that fucking goodbye. It was too early and too shallow for that word to be said.

Crap!

I was the wrong one and I always blame her for all the mistakes I’ve did.

I wanted her to come back to me. And I’m really eager to win her back; to be mine again.

“Citadel, I love you. “