Parasites (Kellic)

Chapter 9

a/n: shit fam its been a hot minute since i've updated. i've lost almost all motivation for everything in life, but i'm gonna try to start updating more. i'm gonna make this story 15-20 chapters long more or less, but i'm not finalizing that because i'm not sure. keep voting and commenting, please. thank you for the reads, i love you guys so much. stay strong lovelies.

xxx

A week had passed since I told Vic what happened and he had been acting way too nice to me for my liking. I didn't want to be pitied, I just wanted him to know he was the one who fucked up. Sometimes, it even seemed like he was flirting with me and I didn't like it because, I was still in love with him.

I needed him to stop tampering with my feelings, because it was fucking me up even more. I didn't need more negativity in my life, and he's dating Danielle.

We just finished a concert in Lancaster, Pennsylvania and we were on our way back to the hotel we were staying in before we had to leave for another city. We had two rooms. One for Pierce the Veil, and one for Sleeping with Sirens. Me and Justin shared a bed, Jack and Gabe shared one, and Nick slept on the couch since it pulled out as a futon.

Most of the guys were out partying, as normal. I had no energy, lately it was like the life was sucked out of me. I'd been getting dizzy lately, my skin became pale and my skin became fuzzy. I didn't know what was happening to my body. I fainted twice, luckily while no one else was around. I wasn't sure if I was getting sick, or my body was starting to shut down due to my unhealthy eating habits.

Most of the time, I convinced myself that I was just being paranoid, that I was fine. I was too young to die, there's no way I was dying. So, I ended up shrugging it off most of the time, because I felt invincible. I felt like I was on top of the world, I could do anything. At 115 pounds, I felt powerful. I felt like I was in control for once.

The thing was, I couldn't bring myself to stop. That's where I knew I would get myself in trouble. Sure, I felt like I was in control, but I'm actually not. It's controlling me, and I couldn't get out of the cycle.

I snapped out of my thoughts when the door creaked open, causing me to jump in fright. As far as I knew, everyone went out. I looked up only to be proven wrong, when I saw a worried looking Vic at the door.  "Hey." He murmured.

"Hi.." I answered. "What are you doing here?"

"Wanted to check on you," he said, casually with a shrug.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Oh, whatever. You didn't care before. Why should you now?" 

"Of course I care. Why wouldn't I?" He said. I sighed.

"You're only showing it now because you know the truth. You pity me, and you feel guilty. But guess what? That was 7 years ago, and I really don't care for your fakeness. So please, get out of my fucking room." I snapped.

He looked defeated, but still didn't give up. "I'm not leaving, it's lonely."

"Guess you should've gone with the guys," I said, carelessly. I was not in the mood to deal with this.

Signing, I watched as Vic walked over to me. "Kells, you don't have to do this alone." He murmured to me, brushing a few stray hairs out of my face.

I couldn't help all of the emotions that were bubbling up inside of me. For one, I was confused as to how Vic could leave for so long and suddenly have an interest in me again.

For two, I was angry, angry that Vic never even listened to my side of the story to begin with. And on top of that, he wouldn't leave me alone now when I desperately needed it.

I also felt sad, sad that Vic was right in my grip, yet no matter how hard I held on, I'd never get him back. He was with Danielle, he was happily in love with someone who wasn't me. I didn't know how to deal with that, it just ate me up inside. People always told me to get over it, but I didn't know how. Was there some magic trick or a button? I just wanted to be loved, by him, but apparently that was too much to ask for. 

"Well, I am doing this alone, Vic." I told him. "I'd rather do it alone than with you," I lied, avoiding eye contact.

"This is ridiculous, Kell. What happened to the old you? The you that smiled all the time and meant it, the one who only ever wanted to see a smile on everyone else's faces, the you that loved life and would never give up?" He asked. I scoffed at the dumb question.

"God, Vic, you're so fucking dense." I snapped. He looked taken aback, so I took the opportunity to explain what should have been oh-so-obvious to him in the first place. "In case you forgot, I was sexually assaulted and then my boyfriend, decided to leave before I could tell him what happened. You tell me what happened to the old Kellin." I signed at him. "Now can you please get out?"

He sighed, nodding in defeat before he departed from the room I was in.

I was so done with this bullshit, it had gotten to the point where I don't even want to keep this career. I didn't enjoy being around all of this drama that I so badly craved to get rid of. It's a constant uphill battle that I don't know how to handle on my own.