Chapter 14

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a/n: sorry for zuming through the hospital and recovery process. I don't want this story to go past Chapter 15 that way I can go ahead and start working on my other unfinished stories, The Florist being next. Anyway thank you for reading and any comments, feedback requests or suggestions would be much appreciated. Enjoy!

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I was sitting in my therapists office, along with Vic because we were planning my discharge date. I was exhillerated to move on and try to recover on my own.

"Kellin, you've made tremendous effort to get better and I think thats a good sign that you'll stay recovered, but our work here isn't done. I think you'll be good to go in a week from today. When we have that meeting before you go, we'll already have you on the list for an outpatient therapist, that way your chance of relapsing will be thin to none." Doctor Dun told me. I nodded along with Vic in agreement.

"Can I trust him to eat when I'm not there? How do I know he isn't faking this?" Vic questioned. I rolled my eyes at it. It was stupid, really.

"Well, I would hope he hasn't been faking it. He's put on a healthy amount of weight and has made substantial changes in his behavior and relationship with food, but I still think you should keep an eye on him. If you notice somethings bothering him, if you notice he's eating a lot in a short amount of time, going to the bathroom after meals, you know what to look for."

Vic nodded, "Right, but what if he does it when I'm not there to help?"

"Then.." He looks at him. "If you're suspicious about it, just talk to him. I honestly, don't think that he will." Doctor Dun stated.

"I won't," I confirmed. "I'm so tired of living like that, eating so much that I have to make myself sick to feel better, being afraid of the number on the scale, living every day in fear and pain and sadness," I shrugged. "I'm over it. I want to live..not survive, but really live." I told them, making them both smile. Vic looked convinced, which was good because I wasn't lying. I needed him to trust and believe in me.

"Upon arrival next week, we will sit down and fill out discharge papers, and over the next week, we will find Kellin a good outpatient therapist, as well as nutritionist. The nutritionist here will provide a meal plan for Kellin to follow in order to stay healthy. Any other questions?"

I shook my head, and looked at Vic who was doing the same.

"Great. Now, Kellin, we need to get you to group therapy," he told me. I nodded and stood from the chair. Before I could leave, Vic pulled me into a tight embrace and kissed me on the lips.

"I love you Kells, one more week and you're outta here." He kissed my temple.

"I can't wait to go back home," I said. He nodded.

"I know."

I smiled. "I love you too, by the way." I told him.

"I was worried for a minute," he teased.

I smiled and waved goodbye as I was led to fhe group therapy room, and Vic walked the other direction to go home.

I sighed. One more week. I could make it through, and I'd come out stronger than ever, that was for sure.

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Most of the time in group I was spacing out, thinking about going home. All the things I'd be able to enjoy without my unhealthy relationship with food. I smiled to myself, sighing softly.

"Mr. Quinn," the therapist, Dr. Merrick started. "You seem to be in quite the daze. Care to share what's on your mind?" He asked. I shrugged.

"Well, if I keep up the good work, I get to go home in a week. I'm just really glad because I can finally enjoy food again without the constant fear of gaining weight, or feeling guilty. I can finally live life and be happy."

"That's good, Kellin, but remember. It won't be as easy as you think. Here, you don't have access to food you can binge and purge with. That's where the real challenge is, because you'll have to start dealing with the pressures that made you do this before, and you'll have the oppourtunuty to do that. But remember, this doesn't come over night. You'll have times where relapsing is the only thing on your mind. You'll have weak moments and triggers everywhere, but whether you can cope with them in a healthy way is the real test." He said. I nodded, it made enough sense. "Oh, but if you do relapse, don't beat yourself up. It happens to the best of us, its all part of the healing process," he said.

"Okay.."

"Is there anything else?" He asked me. I shook my head.

"Nah, no thanks." I said, shrugging it off as he started talking to another girl in the group, Taylor, I think her name was. She had blonde hair and wore dark clothes, she also had a very pretty voice.

One thing everyone learned about her when they spend one day with her is that, singing is her strongest coping mechanism. I admired her for that. Sure I loved music, but it just was never enough to calm me completely. Sometimes it was, but that was rare. the only thing I was good at was self-destruction.

She sang a lot while she was here, to pass the time, out of boredom, during meal time, at night. She always sang, always. It was rare for her to be quiet.

I fell into a daze, not paying attention to the rest of the people talking in group. I couldn't help but to think about going home soon. It was all I wanted and all I could think about, I was excited.

This was my last shot to take life by the balls and make it my bitch.

That's exactly what I was planning to do.


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