The House in the Woods

Have I told you today that I love you?

OWEN POV

Sean waits until we are in the living room and finally says to me, "What was that Owen? I need to check her."

His demeanor changes when I turn to face him. "Owen what is it?"

I look at him, and don't know if I can form the words. We saw the after effects of Sara's time with Joshua, but she never went into specifics with us. The doctor, what was his name, Dr. Smith, no Dr. Sampson said that Joshua had been trying to recreate my mother in Sara, that he was most likely using a brainwashing technique to give her false memories. Today is the first time that I have ever heard her use my mother's words. I can only imagine that he must have bugged us to know that my mother would say 'Let's just go home. We don't want someone to get worried,' when I would try to convince her to stay at the lake for a little longer.

Sean is silent, and I don't know that he left to get me a glass of water until it is in my hand. I take the glass and send it shattering against the wall. The boys start running into the room from the commotion. I try to control my emotions but the tidal wave ranging from fury at my father, to sadness for both my mother and Sara is just too much.

I finally say to Sean, "The episode took her back to that place. She looked at me with fear in her eyes, like she saw my father. She even said two phrases that my mother use to say. What the fuck did that bastard do to her? Sean you have to fix what is wrong with her, I cannot lose her."

I did not even hear her until she placed her hand on my cheek. My Sang, my lifeline. No words were said as she pulled me into a hug, and then I felt the others surround me as well.

My brothers were there. I was usually the one that provided the support, but in that moment, I knew that they would not let me drown in the despair that I was feeling. They were letting me know that they were there for me. I have always known that my father was different, he was a monster.

I am not my father; I know in this moment that I have something that he never had, the ability to feel and receive love from my family.

After having a light dinner, and making sure that Sara is sleeping comfortably, Sang and I sit down together. It is hard for me start, but once I do, it is like a damn opens.

"When my mother was eighteen years old she met my father. She was majoring in music at Clemson University and played a charity concert in Charleston. He was immediately taken by both her beauty and her talent. My grandparents were not thrilled that they were dating, and only agreed for them to be married after mother graduated from college. According to my mother their love was so strong that within a year, she left college and moved to Charleston to marry my father."

"After I was born, my father started to isolated my mother, and she found that the carefree man that she married had a very dark side. He had his own views on what he thought a wife should be, and even though she tried, my mother could never measure up to his standards. With every infraction, it would mean punishment. Every time she would try to make corrections, it would be wrong. One time, it would be that she did not wear enough make up, the next time it would be she was wearing too much. At a party she would spend too much time talking with people, so the next time she would only say a few words, and he accused her of being unsociable," I say quietly.

"She did not play concerts after she married my father, but we had a piano, and she played for me. When I was little she use to hold me when she played, guiding my hands. I would never have had the talent that Victor does, but at six, I was playing some advanced pieces. I was having some trouble with a passage, so I decided to sneak downstairs after my mom went to bed so I could practice. Being so young, I did not pay attention to the fact that we never played when my father was home. There was fury and hatred in his eyes when he walked into the music room. He yanked me backwards off the piano bench and told me to go to my room. Then he started yelling for my mother. I remember her screams, breaking glass, and thumps that were made when things were thrown around hit the walls or the floors. I did not see my mother for two weeks, my father said that she was sick and the doctors were making her better. After she returned home, we never played the piano again."

Sang does not say anything, she just hug me closer.

"He killed her, Sang. I was only a kid, and he sat me down in his study and poured me a drink. He then calmly told me that my mother was dead because she was trying to take me away from him. I knew that he was not a good man from the way that he treated my mother, but that was the day that I realized that he was truly evil. He showed no remorse. She dared to defy him, and she lost. I did the only thing that I knew to do, I did not react. I behaved like the proper child, being seen but not heard. I just downed the drink that was sitting in front of me, and waited until he sent me to my room so I could cry over losing my mother.

"I was approached by the Academy a few months later. The board told my dad that it was an elite school, and he was more than willing for me to attend. My mother's death affected him in ways that he could not have imagined. I found out later that the DA wanted to prosecute my dad for murder, but he bought his way out and went into seclusion, and did not surface again until he took Sara. My father made the mistake of bringing Sara back to my childhood home. I made sure that I was self- sufficient when I joined the Academy because I wanted to make sure that I had the favors and financial means available to track my father, and one day make him pay for his crimes."

Sang was holding me tightly when she whispered into my ear, "You are not, and could never be, your father."

"That is where you are wrong, Sang. I wanted to kill him when we rescued Sara. For several hours I thought I did kill him, and a part of me was okay with that."

Sang looked me in the eyes and said, "You were defending yourself, Sean and Sara. Self-defense is not murder, Owen. You saved Sara that night. You did the right thing by stopping him long enough to get her out. Don't ever doubt yourself on that."

I look at her and say, "The way Sara looked at me tonight was with fear. Like she saw something of my father in me. It scared me."

Sang looked me in the eye before saying, "She wasn't herself tonight, so you cannot beat yourself up over that. Sara confided in me that we needed to have a phrase to make you stop and think if you start letting thoughts of your father build up in your mind. I think I have come up with one that might work for us."

I look at her and say, "Okay let's hear it, though I don't think that it will be better than Mr. Bossy Pants."

Sang looks at me and says, "I don't care where you are or what you are doing. If I say this phrase to you, it is our green button. It means that you have to stop what you are doing, call me, and stay on the phone with me until we are together. The phrase I have chosen is 'Don't let the doubt in your head block the love in your heart."

I pull her into my arms and kiss her deeply. When I finally pull back so we both could breathe, I whisper in her ear, "Have I told you today that I love you Sang?"