20 Ways To Kill Yourself ➳ Bullied By 5SOS

Chapter 8 - Happy

I waited, but the collision of the car against my body never came. Instead, I was met by a voice. A voice that I was all too familiar with. A voice I didn't want to hear right now.

"Maya?"

Shit.

I stood abruptly, my eyes widened.

"A-Ashton?" I stammered, at a loss for words.

I knew the inevitable question of 'why the hell were you sitting in the middle of the road at 2 am?' would arise, and honestly I didn't want it to. After all, how could I just explain to Ashton that I was willing to commit suicide?

Oh my god.

I was WILLING to kill myself...

Just goes to show how messed up my life really is...

I was startled to say the least, his presence being the last thing I expected.

"Maya! What are you doing? Where did you go? Why are you here?" A flurry of questions escaped the barrier of his lips as he rushed forwards, embracing me in a brotherly hug.

But his touch felt like I had been electrocuted, as I jolted away from him, wanting to be anywhere else.

I know I should be glad that he was here, but I wasn't. I wished he had never abandoned me, wished he hadn't left me alone earlier. He wasn't there to protect me. He wasn't there when I needed him.

The expression of shock and hurt on his face was evident, but I turned away, afraid I would crumble.

"What happened to you?" He suddenly questioned, his attention focusing on the crimson stained Olaf I currently adorned. I surely couldn't surpass the dried liquid as ketchup, or anything of the sort, seeing as though I was fully illuminated by the bright headlights.

"It's blood." I stated, my eyes falling to the ground, a sullen expression taking over my face.

"Umm, why?" He looked so confused and it made me wonder as to what his whereabouts were at the party.

"Prank," I lied, straying away from the truth. It was better off that he didn't know.

I didn't trust the instability that was my emotional state, because I couldn't risk what would happen if I revealed anything by mistake, deciding to simply stick with my one worded answer and shrugging my shoulders as if it were no big deal. But my mind was plagued with the horrid events that transpired, reminding me that it was the very antithesis of 'no big deal'.

Still, he looked at me unconvinced, leading me to his car as my skin was kissed with the warmth of the heat that was flowing out from his air vents and circulating around the small space of his car.

"Are you okay?" I saw Leah's head pop round from the passenger seat as she offered me a warm smile, to which I tried to nod and force a smile back. I leaned back against the seat, a yawn escaping my lips as it made me realise just how exhausted this evening made me.

"So why were you in the middle of the road?" Ashton inquired once again, much to my dismay, the car accelerating forward as he drove us home. I mentally groaned, not knowing what to say.

"Uhh I was lost so I thought I'd just sit and wait for someone to find me." I said quickly, lying through my teeth.

"On the road?" He glanced at me through the rear view mirror for a moment before directing his attention to the dark, empty road before us, a look of skepticism painted on his tense features.

"I thought it was the pavement, it was pretty dark..." I trailed off, mentally cringing at my sad excuse and almost face palming.

"You have to be more careful Maya. What if I didn't stop in time? What if I was driving too fast and didn't see you? What if it wasn't even me? What if -?"

"Okay I get it!" I shouted, halting him midway through his lecture.

I shouldn't have blown up at him, but I was just so upset right now, and all the sadness was channeling into anger.

What if, Ashton?

I'd be pretty damn happy if was dead.

"Sorry." I apologised to him, truly regretting being mean to him. He was only worried, looking out for me and I couldn't blame him for that.

After what happened three years ago, he seemed as though he made it his number one priority to stop history from repeating itself, taking extensive precautions when he could and lecturing me on the importance of safety on a regular basis. Of course, all his words went into one ear and flew directly out the other.

No matter how hard he tried to keep me safe, he couldn't ever be able to stop me from being the victim to abuse. And I wasn't going to prepare myself to share that fact with him anytime soon.

"It's okay." He muttered. "I'm the one who should be sorry for leaving you alone like that, we went round to the back yard," he continued, signaling to Leah who had her hand resting atop Ashton's on the center console. "When we turned around, you weren't there, so we went back to look for you and saw Luke there with you. I thought you'd be all right you know." He finished. Ashton's voice was filled with nothing less than sincerity.

I know this may be difficult to wrap your mind around, seeing as though it seems very far fetched, but Luke and I used to be close friends.

But after what happened long ago in the past, he still blames me for it. The tall blonde boy was consumed by sadness until one day, he snapped and all that seemed to encompass him to this day was a darkness. And like a helpless puppy, I took it.

Every insult, every threat, every beating, I took it.

"It's not your fault Ashton." I shook my head.

It was mine.

Normally, teenagers would skip a day, or two. Maybe a few weeks, or even move schools if they had endured a weekend similarly to the one I did. But not me. I knew the extensive amount of tiresome work and endless effort mother would strenuously undergo on a day to day schedule.

Especially, considering the fact that there was a lack of a father figure in my life...

So when I decided to swallow the lump in my throat and drag myself to school the next morning, I told myself a hundred times over that it was for the sake of my mom.

But as soon as I left the comfort of Ashton's car after exchanging goodbyes, I began to question my motives.

"It's alright Maya, just keep your head down and blend with the crowd." I repeated over and over like a mantra.

And it seemed to be going well too...

That was until I bumped into him.

"Maya Irwin!"

Oh no.

Oh lord, please no....