20 Ways To Kill Yourself ➳ Bullied By 5SOS

Chapter 47 - Waves

(a/n): 🎵 if this is the end, I'd be better off dead 🎵^ this song just fits so perfectly

I didn't have enough money to pay for a proper burial off my brother. Although I didn't want them to, I reluctantly let them take care of the dead corpse. I was too focused on the fact that now my entire family were gone and I was the only one left, alone.

I sat under the tree on the grass in the old graveyard. Piling a bunch of rocks on top of one another, I used a stick to engrave two letters on the biggest rock. A.I, Ashton Irwin. I knew my brother wasn't buried down below where I sat but I pretended he was. I felt as though I still had someone to talk to even though in reality, I was letting my feelings out to a bunch of rocks.

I had the same dream about Ashton, one that was haunting every second I was awake.

"A few more seconds." He kept repeating to me.

What if I had gotten there a few seconds earlier?

What if I was able to keep his life support on for a few more seconds?

Would he have woken up then?

I don't know...

A stream of tears began to surface but I wiped them away before they could slide down my face. I didn't know why I bottled up my pain instead of letting them out. I didn't want to feel pain anymore.

My stomach growled as the sun had turned a shade of a sombre orange-red. I had been at the graveyard under the tree for hours now and my entire body had gone numb. I stood up and dusted the dirt from my black dress. Even though there was no funeral I still felt as though I had to show something for it.

I began to walk mindlessly out of the forest wanting to simply disappear. I walked slowly through the screen of trees, getting lost amongst the foliage, letting my loud thoughts carry me onwards.

What was I supposed to do now?

It felt as though I had been walking for an eternity until I saw a light at the end of the darkness. Although I hadn't found it metaphorically, I followed the light of the sunset that peeked through the gaps of the tree branches until I came in front of the edge of a cliff. The forest beyond the graveyard that I found myself out of led to a magnificent sea view.

The cliff was so high up that the sound of waves crashing against the rock beneath sounded distant. I sat down on the ledge, letting my legs dangle down above what looked like a hundred feet. My hands fell to my lap as I twiddled with my thumbs. I watched the blood red sun set below the horizon, its rays disappearing slowly.

It was so peaceful that I almost forgot all about my current predicament.

I leaned my arms against the grass and looked down.

The tide now was higher than before and it violently crashed against the cliff bottom, eating away at the cracks in the rock.

How at peace would I be if I chose to jump?

There was nothing, literally nothing left in my life that would carry pull me further.

Should I just give up and end it all now?

My thoughts were my own worst enemy as I extended my list by one:

Number 15: Jump off and let the waves carry me away

(a/n): so this book will be ending soon :( 

5 more ways to go... 

so this QOTC will be: what do you think would be those other 5?