The next day in choir, all I did was embarrass myself immensley. Kasey and Miles were non-existent now that they switched to choir. I don't think they did to be mean. They wanted to be interactive. She was really sweet and kind. I could kind of talk to her with confidence. As I walked in the room, late for the first time, I plopped my books in my chair and ran to get a drink before class. Mr. C was just taking attendence. As I was headed toward my seat, he came into the room and we clashed. I didn't mean to run into him.
"Sorry!" I said quickly. My voice shot up two octaves saying this, making me sound more like a girl.
"You're okay." He assured me as he continued on to his seat.
I didn't draw too much attention to myself. I knew my face was redder then coals. Madison poked my sholder and laughed at me. I just nodded and smiled at her, even more embarassed. Morganne knew that I liked him, and so did Madison. I didn't care that they knew, I guess, but they did know why I blushed and got quiet when he spoke or was near. The announcements clicked on and Mr. Frank says, "We will be having a Fire Drill in three minutes. We will be having a Fire Drill in three minutes."
I glanced over at Morganne.
"Yay?" I said reluctantly.
"I know." Then she giggled at me again because the blush on my cheeks was still prominent on my face. The bell, more like a siren, screached and we immediately rose from our seats and piled out the door. Not that big of a deal... not at all. I couldn't understand the way people acted at this school. There are a solem good few that I can call normal and friends. My friends are all eccentric and everything about them is special to me. They made me laugh and see things differently.
After standing in the freezing morning air next to you know who we all but sprinted into the school. We continued singing in odd languages and being bored. I draw a lot in his class. I sit in the back row so he can't really see me. My drawing are very strange. People ask me what they are and what do they mean. I don't know who they are but I know what they mean. If I revealed the meaning to my odd drawings, people would think I was insane or disturbed. It's how I expressed myself.
The bell chimes and I run to to find my sister for the "delicious" lunch I wouldn't eat.
Miles walks by me in the hall and nonchalantly says," That boy you like? Yeah, he has a girlfriend."
He smirks and walks away again.
What did he just say? I looked down and bit my lip, tempted to ditch the rest of the day. God, I wanted to.
My face drained of blood. As people passed me in the hall, they stared at me like something was wrong. And there was. Some teacher who I didn't know asked me if I needed to go to the nurse. I nodded no and turned to head towards 4th bell. I was late by two minutes because I was standing by my locker, pale-faced in astonishment. Why did I have this disorder? I want to rip my hair out. Why couldn't he see me? Know that I exist? I grabbed my sketchpad and drew one of my hands wrapped around a realistic heart, squeezing it as blood poured in a puddle beneath it. Its not very hard to guess what the meaning of that drawing is. My brows furrowed as I pressed harder on my red colored pencil.
My history teacher was up and about and his eyes fell upon my gruesome sketch. I glared up at him and he looked away, not even daring to question it. The rest of the day was a blur. I had dance rehearsal after school so I reluctantly eased myself into the auditorium. I couldn't hold this in anymore. Kasey waltzes in with Miles and they approach me. My eyes became hazy and blurry, my vision spinning. My heart thumped an uneven rhythm and my breathing increased.
I was having a panic attack. Breathe, I told myself. My sister looked at me skeptically. I wiped my eyes and turned away from them. I sat by myself in the far corner. This was going to be on hell of a rehearsal.
