Things Only Musician Understand

Part Forty-Seven: JJ

"Why are you yelling at me,

He's the one that started it?"

I asked Eliza

As she took a breathing break from her long winded speech,

"Yes and I was the one to end it,

You two are ridiculous.

You need to fix this."

I looked at her

"Why me?

He's the one that started all this,

THat's exactly what I'm trying to tell you."

"I will tell you why,

He's like a brother to me,

And I don't want to lose that.

He was here for me

And he helped take care of the boys

While you were gone."

I flinched

When she said the last part

"I don't understand

How you can't see it Eliza.

He loves you,

Not just as a sister

But as so much more,

He wouldn't be as pissed as he is

If he didn't."

She looked to her feet

"I know he does

And that scared me while you were gone,

It scared me when you came back

Because

I wasn't ready to hear what he thought

And how disappointed in me he was,

I wasn't ready for this,

I just wasn't."

I grabbed her

And brought her closer,

"I understand,

I thought the same thing when i came home

After all those years,

It scared me,

I know."

"No you don't

Because for a while there

I loved him too

Because you weren't here

So I didn't want to see him be hurt

I care about him

And you coming back ruined everything

That I had worked to make with him

When you ran away."

"I'm sorry that I left okay,

I understand

That you'll never forget that

And neither will he,

But you can't keep throwing that at me,

All you do is make me mad at myself

And make me wish that I had never come back

Or gone away,

It confuses me

And I don't understand a lot,

But I understand why I left,

And I know that you do too,

So why,

Why,

Are you throwing it back at me?"

"Because" and that was followed

But inaudible whispering

"What was that?"

"I said,

Because I'm confused

And I don't know what way to go

And that's all that I have left to think about

Because I don't' understand

Why I forgave you

And I don't understand

Why I let you come back,

And I think that some days it was worth it,

But others,

I don't know"

"Do you still love me,

At least tell me that you know that?"

"I do JJ,

I do still love you."

"Then why

Did you lead Damien on while I was gone?"

"I wasn't leading him on."

"Bull shit,

You wanted someone you could fall back on

And he was the closest thing

That you had to family

That you could fall back on

If you lost your job,

Or if something happened."

"That's not what was happening,

He tried to get me

To go on dates with him

And he asked me to do things with him

As though I was his girlfriend,

And every time I said no,

Because I thought,

No,

I knew,

That someday

You would come back."

"He doesn't see it as that though.

And you know it."

"You're right,

I do know that,

But I thought that he had finally come to terms

That I was in love with you

And no other,

And above you

And above any other,

I loved my kids.

I'm sorry

That

That isn't what he thinks,

But someday

You'll realize that

I waited for you

And I will always wait for you

No matter what."