Love Me Goodbye - A Harry Potter Fanfiction

Chapter three - Brother mine

Me and the boy who lived is woken up abruptly when my twin brother and Hermione rush into the room and make a terrible noise, way too early for my taste. Ronald pull the curtains apart and I pin my eyes closed to avoid the sudden burst of sunlight. I do my best to shut the voices out but when your sleep has just been interrupted and the voices are talking way too loud, it's not an easy thing to do.

They do some catching up with Harry, even though they have just missed two weeks of each others lives, when Ginny is the guilty one who finally makes the conversation at least a bit interesting to secretly listen to. She walks into the room and complains loudly about Fleur and the other three join in.

"We need to get rid of her!" Ginny whines and Hermione nods to her defense.

"Oh c'mon, she's not that bad!" Ronald says. "And she'll soon be a part of this family, so you have to get over this little... Dispute, or whatever."

"No, you have to get over your little crush on her!" Hermione say and receive a proud nod from Ginny.

They have a small argument back and forth about whether she's likeable or not and she end up not being dateable, even though Ronald comes up with contradictions. I give the wall a small smile and I decide to join the conversation, no matter how bad of an idea it is.

"So we still hate the phlegm, then?" I say and Ginny turns to me at my sudden use of her nickname for the quarter-veela. She looks surprised to hear my voice and I am just as surprised that she actually turned around to look at me at all. I thought that she would ignore me as usual, along with the others.

For some reason, the golden trio in the room turns to look at me as well, like they just discovered that I was in there with them. They're all staring at me like a stranger in the room and I gaze back at each and every one of them. I meet Hermione's kind eyes and then I move onto my twin brother, who gives me a hateful look. I return it with a smile that's not really a smile at all.

"No one asked for your opinion" Ronald suddenly states. He's obviously enjoying making fun of me. I won't have any of it.

"It was a question, not an opinion, you idiot" my answer comes out like a flash. His eyes catches a glimpse of surprise at my fast comeback before he cocks a brow at me.

"Why don't you just go back to being dead?" he speaks slowly so I won't miss a syllable of his sentence. That's it. I have had enough of him.

I hear Hermione exclaim a startled "Ron!" at his harsh words before everything goes red before my eyes. I imagine how good it would feel to have my fist meet his freckled chin. To have him beneath my body while I hit him repeatedly, and harm him for every little thing he has ever done to make me feel useless and dumb. I'm going to make him pay for leaving me when I had no one else by my side and I'm going to make him pay for the way he has made me feel my entire life. Small. Worthless. Stupid. I know that this isn't me, I'm usually not this angry but by Merlin's beard, was he pushing me over the edge.

I jump up to my feet, ready to kill my twin brother. It takes less than a second for me to get to the second bed in the room but I never get to reach that freckled chin with my fist. Multiple hands fly up and stop me from ever getting close to Ronald. They clench around my wrists, my shoulders, my arms but all I can see is my brothers wild eyes staring up at me.

"What did you say to me?" I manage to press through my teeth and I keep fighting against the arms that are holding me back. I want to get to him, I want to hurt him.

I hear Hermione saying something but nothing else matters than Ronald's words that escapes his lips right after.

"You heard me. Just go back to hanging out with Malfoy and his family of death eaters!" I stop fighting against the invisible barriers. I stop mid motion to process his words. Deatheaters?

"You're lying." My voice is cold but deep down I know that he's not lying. It makes sense. It makes sense that Lucius Malfoy would be a death eater. I didn't believe the rumours and I never asked Draco about it, but it adds up. Lucius being so absent and weirdly obsessed with Harry Potter and Draco leaving me for the summer. He was surely a part of the attack at the Ministry of Magic. Was he also sent to Azkaban for his deeds like the other death eaters in the newspaper? That would explain why Draco didn't want me to come with him to Malfoy Manor, because his father wouldn't be there and I would of course notice...

Ronald gives me a look; you know the truth. And I do. I'd seen the signs, I just didn't observe them.

Of course Lucius had been there the night of Voldemort's return, nothing else could explain Draco's behaviour the last couple of weeks. His dad was a death eater. Why didn't I know? Why didn't Draco put his confidence in me, now when he needed a friend the most?

When Fleur suddenly joins the already full room I see my chance and escapes. I make my way out of the room, without anyone saying a word, and take the steps down to the kitchen. I need to be alone, I need to think about this, I need to-

Someone runs after me and jumps down the stairs quicker than I just did. A hand is placed on my shoulder and I turn around quicker than lightning. I'm met by my own face, but he has red hair instead of black.

"Let go of me." I hiss and I have to tighten every muscle in my body to not lash out at him.

"Edmund-" Ronald tries to speak but I cut him off. At least he removes his hand.

"Leave me alone. I never asked for this. I never asked for any of this." I motion with my hand around the narrow staircase but he knows that I mean this house, this family, this life. He has to know that I mean that. Because I didn't choose this life.

Ronald looks at me with an expression that I don't recognize.

"I'm sorry, okay? I shouldn't have said what I did upstairs," He doesn't acknowledge my hand motion and decides to apologize instead. "I'm sorry that you're hurt, or whatever-"

"Tell me you're joking." I interrupt him. This time I recognize the color in his eyes. He's confused.

"No, I'm not. I'm actually sorry. I want us to... I don't know." He speaks slowly and has a hard time to pick out the right words. I just hope that he's not about to say what I think he's about to say. "Maybe to go back to being brothers? Or at least not fight all the time, I don't like to be ignored by you." He keeps going and that was exactly what I hoped he wasn't going to say. Since when have I been ignoring him? It's all his fault! He should blame himself that we will never be brothers like Fred and George are.

"Me ignoring you? You have been ignoring me for the last couple of years! You can forget about your brotherly friendship-thing!" I turn around and rush down the stairs, leaving a confused and hurt Ronald behind. He can take his apologies and stuck them up somewhere where I won't get bothered by them.

I will never be his brother.