Lots of high schools are known for something. Football, sex scandals, shootings, or, more often than not, a yearly musical. My school wasn't known for anything besides having a principal who died while eating a hot dog. We weren't very good at anything in particular. Nothing set us apart from the rival schools and we were usually parents' second choice on where to send their kids. The school three miles down the road was famous for a multitude of things. They had a killer football team, and they had no sexual predators on staff. Mary-Kate and Ashley even filmed episodes for one of their shows there a few years back. Analogy: if the school district had been the parent, then that school would have been the golden child and we would have been the child with one leg longer than the other. But that didn't stop us from trying!
Every year our school would put on a disaster known as the spring musical. It was chock-full of bad acting, nervous onstage vomiting, and some sort of love triangle between a girl and two guys. But usually the girl was thrown to the side, if you catch my drift. It was a yearly event that I stayed as far away from as I could. Until my senior year.
I was one of those kids who would do whatever my friends wanted even if I knew it was wrong. The number of times we went through a Del Taco drive-through and acted like we had Tourette's syndrome was countless. The leader of my group was a girl named Tara. She was a fun, loud free spirit with more sexual experience than most of the teachers. And that's a fact. There was a rumor that she gave one of our teachers the clap. She was everything I wanted to be (minus the clap part). She wasn't afraid to take fashion risks or hit on strangers. Life was her chem lab, and she was constantly experimenting, whereas I was stuck in remedial math class adding up the consequences of any risk I could take. One day she came up to me with an idea I knew was bad from the second it left her dicksuckin' lips.
Tara: We should try out for the musical!
Me: What? Why? Can't we just pretend we have Tourette's and go through the Burger King drive-through again?
Tara: We did that yesterday. Come on! It'll be fun!
Me: That's what you said about searching through my mom's closet. And finding that Polaroid of her crawling on my dad's naked legs was the opposite of fun. Tara: Don't you trust me?
No. I did not trust her. For good reason! This is the same girl who thought it was a good idea to watch water-birth videos on YouTube while we were eating Thai food. But because I go along with everybody my answer was obvious.
Me: Yes.
So that day Tara and I went to the auditions, which were being held in the chorus room. As we walked in she started pointing out our competition.
Tara: That's Lacy Barnes. Good at high notes. Bad at suckin' dick.
Me: How do you know that?
Tara: I fucked her boyfriend a few times. Nothing serious though. Just during lunch period.
Me: Right.
Tara: That's Jay Hernandez. Bad at high notes but REALLY good at suckin' dick. You gotta watch out for him. He ALWAYS gets the lead.
Me: Are you saying he sucks the teacher's dick? Tara: NO! That's disgusting.
Pot. Kettle. Black. Continue.
Tara: But the teacher doesn't cast the play. The student teacher does.
Me: Student teacher?
Tara: Ya. It's this guy who graduated last year. I forgot his name but if he's coming back to his old high school he must not be getting any in college. Jay's gonna be on that dick like sprinkles on fro yo.
