It's You

Chapter 15

"Is it okay if I go with Jill to their apartment? She'll treat us because it's her birthday tomorrow." Didith asked while we were having breakfast.

I was reading notes then for a quiz in my afternoon class. "Ah, yes. Why, of course."

"Great." She smiled and continued eating.

It was already ten in the evening when she returned to the dorm.

"Oh, you're still awake?" She immediately asked when she saw me.

"I was waiting for you. Why didn't you tell me that it's going to be this late? I was worried you might not get a ride up here," I told her. I didn't realize that I seemed to be scolding her.

She looked at me and said, "I asked for your permission early this morning and you said yes."

"I know but I didn't think it'd be this late."

She smiled and hugged my left arm. "Ben, thank you. But you must be tired so let's sleep and I'll see you at breakfast."

I touched her hair and led her to their wing, "See you tomorrow." She just nodded.

In my bed, I kept thinking, she did ask for my permission. Why? I don't know. But it made me happy. 

Just like that. Indeed, just like that made me happy already. Simple things from her, with her, about her, gave me such warm feelings, like, on some Mondays, I would receive brownies from her. She has a sweet tooth and chocolate tops it all – ice cream, cake, and chocolates. Ha, ha! It's probably why she is a sweet girl, I used to think.

Some days, I'd see her watching the news or cartoons in the TV room. Her hair was always pulled back with a ribbon. I loved touching it and playing with the ribbon. I would always tease her when I did that. At other times, we would just stay in the lobby and watch our other dormmates. 

We always talk. We talk about anything under the sun. It's like we don't run out of things to tell each other. There's just no end to it. She would always giggle and laugh at the slightest joke. She would be fascinated and amused at things new to her. She's always bubbly. 

And I honestly can't get enough of it... of her. I can't deny it anymore.

Foreha Day. All the rooms were open for viewing. Students from different dorms were allowed to visit their friends. They can eat together but no alcohol is allowed. I and my roommates visited Didith's room. She showed us her bed and locker.

At nine in the evening, Foreha Day ended. I was in my study doing an assignment when Nathan came in.

"Nathan."

"Yes?"

"I think I'm falling." 

Nathan must have been surprised. "Huh? Where? What?" He asked. Then suddenly, "With whom?" 

I didn't answer. 

"With Didith?"

That's it. He hit it right. I was silent for a moment then went to the bathroom. When I returned, I told him to forget what I said.

"You should tell her. I mean, I think she deserves to know." He tapped me on the back.

"I don't know. She might not approve of it. Or, she might hate me or something. I'm afraid that it might end our friendship," I explained to Nathan.

"I don't think so. If there's any consolation in being honest about your feelings, it's that. It'll make her realize her feelings for you."

"I'm not yet ready," I said.

"You can delay it for a while but not too long. Also, you have to tell her the truth that you don't have a girlfriend since three years ago. Or, it might be too late before you know it," he warned.

Ah, this is harder than I thought. I wondered if she didn't notice my feelings for her. 

When we hold hands, I would press my palm hard against hers so I can feel its warmth. When we're seated beside each other, I would touch her nape and rest my hand on it. When we were walking, I would put my hand on her waist. When she lets down her long hair, I would slide my fingers through it. And how about the long looks I give her?

Was she just pretending not to notice any of it? Or, maybe she's plain dense. Or, maybe, just maybe, she didn't want me to feel awkward and ruin the friendship we had.

I can only hope that she values our friendship because it's the most important thing to me.

One time, I mentioned to her that I wanted a girlfriend-companion in Los Baños. It gave me the feeling that she was disappointed by it. And why not? She knew I had a girlfriend. That's understandable. Then I told her that I probably don't need a girlfriend if it's companionship that I want. I told her I need not look for one because I already have her. 

I thought that was a good start to let her know how I feel about her but she only said, "Really?"

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