As the new school year approached I felt more and more pressured. The thoughts came back. But this time there 10× worse. My view on the world has completely changed. When I see water I think about how it would feel to drown. When I see trees I imagine what I would look like hanging from it.
Me and Devin were still dating but he hasn't talked to me in a month. It hurt really really bad not being able to talk to him. Then that's when I had a breakdown. I found my razor blades and cut. Again. Cutting was my alternative to committing suicide. It was a comfort,the blood reminding me I was alive. So pretty much I'm using pain to relive pain.
On top of all of that my dad was jobless so we went a couple of months on a very tight budget.
But in that one month of rather dreary events I believe that's when I decided to turn emo. I bought chokers, band tees, converse and even combat boots. I wore super thick eyeliner and I even tried black lipstick a couple of times.
