Black Blood, Green Eyes

secrets

BELLAMY

"She's pregnant? Why didn't she tell me? How did I not know? We need to find her." I say pacing the room running a hand through my hair and holding the paper in the other hand.

"You need to stay calm." Lincoln says trying to calm me. "She was only around a month or two pregnant, you couldn't even tell."

"You knew?" I ask walking towards him. He backs away until he is up against a wall. "Why wouldn't you tell me? Is it not mine?"

"She made me swear to keep her secret." He says sternly. Something inside me snaps and I punch him. Everything I was feeling and everything I had went into the punch and his head snaps to the side from its power. "I'm going to pretend that didn't happen. You need to take a seat and calm down." He grabs me by the arm and pushes me until I'm seated in Dante's chair. "Clarke didn't want you going into the mountain worried about her or the baby. It was in everyone's best interest to keep it a secret. When she didn't come in after the war was over I kept my promise knowing she knew what was best for her and the child. I am sorry."

"I shouldn't have punched you." I say looking down to my knees in embarrassment.

"Never apologize after a sign of strength. If I wasn't expecting it you would have knocked me out." He chuckles at the end. "Even in training you have a certain look on your face before you punch, I advise you never gamble."

"You should probably put something cold in that." I say looking up to him.

"I will go see Aiden for him to tend to it, you go check on Monty for any sign of Clarke." He offers me a hand up and I take it. He grasps my forearm and lowers his head and I do the same. "We will find her."

"Thank you." I say with a small smile and I take off running. Before entering the control room I shove the paper in my pocket and take a deep breath. "Anything?" I ask walking through the door.

"Our sign that she's been here is that she deleted all of the footage from the moments after the lever was pulled until a couple hours ago. She was here." He sighs and continues to hit keys on the board. "I'm trying to see if she did anything else before erasing the footage."

"So she was here hours ago, she can't be far." I say pacing the room. "How long until everything is loaded?"

"Hours and we have to check in at polis before going back to camp. We won't be able to find her today but we have a very good lead. Her tracks will still be there tomorrow." He stops the key hitting to look up at me with a sad smile.  "She left something"

I walk up to the big screen and gesture for him to put it on. after a couple more key strokes a picture of someone who looks like Clarke is on the screen. The girl is too skinny to be my princess, her cheeks are hollow and there isn't any color in her face. There isn't any sign of life in her eyes and I can feel the pain she must be in. "It's been three months." The girl speaks and the voice is a little lower than I remember. "Today I dug the last grave, I've erased all of the footage and I'm sure the only one who could find this is Monty. Monty I need you to tell Bellamy that I'm sorry, I assume that he went through Dante's office and found a paper that would make him think his life is about to change but it's not." Tears start streaming down her face. "The last grave is so small you wouldn't be able to notice it unless I told you about it. I miscarried my child the same day we killed hundreds of innocent people. I'm so sorry." Her head falls and she sobs into her hands. "I don't know where I'm going next but I know I'm not ready to see anyone again. I have spent three months burying the dead and today I lay down my child who never got to see the light of day. I've been around the dead that I feel like one of them. I just wanted him to know so he doesn't go looking for me expecting a little boy or girl with freckles and blonde hair. Tell everyone I'm okay and that I'm still alive. I'm sure that will be enough for now. May we meet again." Her voice cuts off and the scree goes to black.

I drop to my knees and cry. Without shame I sob uncontrollably into my hands as she did on the video. My body racks with them and I can't even try to stop them. I feel Monty wrap his arms around me and I lean into him. The door opens and I hear someone run towards me. Another set of arms takes me and pulls me to their chest. My sister's voice asks Monty what happened and when he is finished telling her she cries with me. The two of us cry together on the control room floor. She recovers before I do and she gently brushes the hair out of my face and wipes my tears.

I hear Monty leave the room and voices outside the door. My tears stop flowing but my body still shakes. "Hey big brother" Octavia sniffles. "You gotta get up, Clarke is out there dealing with this alone. You need to find her." I nod my head and try to catch my breath. "She needs you even if she doesn't think so. I'll take care of the caravan and the commander, she will understand why you couldn't make it to the check in. Let's get you cleaned up first though. Come on"

She gets up pulling me with her and we both sniffle as we walk out of the control room. Outside everyone is crying and they go silent at the sight of me. No one dares to make eye contact and I pass them with their heads as low as they could go. "I want to see the grave" I hiccup as Octavia leads me into a bathroom.

"We will after you're cleaned up." She gestures for me to sit on the counter and I set myself on top. She runs the water and starts to wipe away tear stains and the mucus from under my nose. "You know big brother, I remember you doing this for me. When I couldn't go out and I would cry and cry. You would take me to the bathroom and clean me up before mom got home so she wouldn't know how sad I was. I now know why you did it." She lifts my face up by the chin and forces me to look at her red puffy eyes. "Because you knew it would make her sad and you knew there was nothing she could do about it. You weren't just taking care of me but you were taking care of her for all of those years. It's my turn to take care of you."

She kisses me on the forehead and continues to clean me up as much as possible. By the time she is finished the only thing that gives away the fact that I've been crying are the occasional hiccups I let out. "Thanks O." I say with a broken voice.

"We're going to go through polis and go back to camp. After you get some sleep we will go out looking for her tomorrow." She tells me and I nod. "Let's go outside and find the grave while they load up the rover."