Love Hurts (boyxboy)

Chapter 11: Wants & Needs

Parker POV

I stared down at my trembling hands, clenching them into fists as I tried to get ahold of myself. What was going on? I mean - why am I here right now? All of this...it's just gotten out of hand. This thing with Griffin, it was...what was it? We were just...what? What were we? Friends? We couldn't be anything more, I didn't have feelings for him like that...did I?

I looked up to see my face in the mirror, finding tears sliding down my cheeks. I couldn't feel them there, didn't know why they were there. I knew better than to fall in lo - no. I didn't, I couldn't. That word, that feeling, it wasn't this. It was just...

"Parker?" His voice came softly from the other side of the door, sending a shiver down my spine, causing my breath to hitch in my throat as I leaned forward to support myself on the sink counter. But why? It was just Griffin. He was just another person, someone who didn't really give a damn about me, right? People didn't love me. That's just how it was.

My grip tightened on the counter in front of me with that thought. It was true, that's just how my life worked; and the people who did care, they all...

The door opened and I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to push it all away. I should have stayed at home. I should have...

...

Griffin POV

"What do you want from me?" Parker choked out. He hadn't moved a muscle since I opened the door, his head turned away from me with white knuckles as he gripped onto the counter. He looked absolutely shaken, and it definitely caught me by surprise. I thought he was just hiding out in here being awkward about things as usual, but this - 

"I don't want anything from you, Parks." I leaned against the doorframe, keeping my distance. As much as I wanted to hold him, to make things better, I knew I'd probably only make things worse right now. Parker was touchy - literally.

"Then why am I here?" I could hear the tears in his voice, but couldn't see them on his face. It was probably better that I couldn't, I might lose it myself if I saw him breaking down.

"I just want you here with me, Parker. You make me happy." A small smile pulled at the corners of my lips.

"Did you ever - " he was barely mumbling, so I didn't quite catch the end of his sentence. I probably should have known better than to ask what he was saying, but I needed to know.

"Hm?"

"Did you ever think about what I want?" He started to raise his voice, physically trembling and still refusing to look in my direction.

"I-I-" I wasn't really sure what to say. I'd thought about what he wanted, hadn't I? I'd asked him before if...he was right. I never really asked if he wanted to do anything, I just kind of did whatever I wanted, and I assumed he wanted this - to be with me - didn't he?

"You don't. You just demand and push and tell me what you want and disregard me entirely and you always say you're "doing what's best for me" but you don't care about that. You care about what's best for you."

I wasn't sure what to say. He wasn't wrong - about me pushing him around and telling him what to do - but I did want the best for him. He was always so strong and proud. He wasn't afraid of anyone or anything. No, that was wrong. Maybe he didn't show it, but he was afraid. How could he not be? Between his father, bullies at school, me...

"I love you Parker." Those weren't exactly the words I was expecting to come out of my mouth. If I hadn't, though, I don't know if I would have said anything at all. I did love him though. I think. No, I know. He was my world, my devotion. His rare smiles, his photography and cameras, his stubbornness, his mouthy attitude, all of him...he was it.

"Don't say that," he whispered. I couldn't take it anymore, stepping towards him and wrapping my arms around his smaller form. He instantly began to struggle, attempting to shake me off. It wasn't difficult to hold him in place; but it was difficult seeing his face in the mirror. He didn't look angry or upset like I'd expected. He was scared.

...

Parker POV

"Why shouldn't I say it?" Griffin asked.

"You can't because I want you to, because I want to believe that you do and that this is more than what it is and you won't leave me eventually, because everyone who cares about me ends up disappearing just like my mom, or Ms. Fareway, or you; and I -" Struggling to get out of his grasp was making it hard to hold everything in and breath without fully breaking down, and I could feel it, just at the edge of my mind, like a balloon filling with air only needing a little bit more before it burst.

"All I want is for you to be happy," Griffin's arm grew even tighter around my body. "Because I do love you, Parks, and I'll spend every day of the rest of my life showing you that." My balloon burst.

I needed him right now. I needed the safety that came with being around him, the comfort and his warmth. I needed the memories of better times when things weren't so difficult. I needed to be loved.

I turned in his grasp, wrapping my arms around his thick body and sobbing into his chest. I couldn't take it anymore, I couldn't hold back all the things I'd been running from for so long. I had spent so long telling myself that I wasn't afraid, brushing off everything like it didn't hurt me, playing it cool so that everything seemed to be fine. I kept telling myself that lie, hoping one day I would believe, but I couldn't anymore. No, I didn't have to. I didn't know where this would lead, but the body pressed against mine was the reassurance I needed. Griffin was here. I wasn't alone.

...