Knock, Knock (Lenny Pearce/Justice Crew Fanfic)

Chapter 12: A Complete Mistake

* Ava’s POV *

“…to worry about. She just had some panic attacks. I suggest you take her home and be sure she gets enough rest.” I heard the doctor told Lenny while I was in resting on a hospital bed, just woke up from the dreadful news of the break up.

Just thinking about it now, makes me want to cry. I must be going now before they come back and see me here. The fact that Len had seen me like this, I feel like I didn’t have enough confidence for him to see me any longer.

Yes, leaving Lenny did pop up in my mind before when I found out about John being my gummy bear boy, but it was just a thought. I really love him, therefore, made it so hard for me to even suggest breaking up or having some space. But the fact that there was another girl involve, I can’t imagine how Len could simply forget about the whole thing we had together, making me think I was just some freaking rebound.

Of all people I decided to fall in love with, it’s the one who can’t get over his first love.

Which makes me feel like a complete hypocrite right now. I can’t stop thinking about John, but it wasn’t a good enough reason to leave Len like that. I guess that’s how you can differentiate us.

And if it isn’t a coincidence, I remembered Bailey telling me how cute Len’s first love was. That night made me doubt how much Len loves me, but I guess now I have the answers. He doesn’t. What we have was a mistake, just like how my parents had me.

A complete mistake.

I mean, which child would be okay to have her parents in different houses? I didn’t even see my mum for more than ten years and when I came back to Sydney, I’m the one who’s adjusting to her new family. Even if I was the original child, I was the outsider.

All these years, I’ve been lying to everyone, even my best friends and family, telling them I was okay with the set up I had with my parents.

Well, let me tell you this. I wasn’t. The smiles were all forced because I didn’t want to talk about it, knowing my friends would annoy me to death until they have heard the answers they wanted. So I pretended I was fine with it – that it doesn’t even bother me.

But in all honesty, all I wanted was a complete family, meaning my biological father, mother, and myself. Not the two sets of parents I’ve been introduced to. Not that I don’t like them or anything, but I still kept wishing that they would magically separate with their current families and get back together.

At a very young age, I was a living proof that Santa wasn’t real. He was just some imaginary person to give us hope that another person cares about us, but in reality all my wishes came down the drain when I realized mum wouldn’t come out of the chimney in Christmas morning.

I wouldn’t have my family complete again. Ever.

And it didn’t even matter if both my parents have patched up and are friends again, because it wouldn’t change the fact that they divorced.

I was a product of their entertainment in high school. You know typical high school couples who think they love each other, and then the guy gets the girl pregnant, fighting off their parents that they’re going to raise me even if they were already having issues. When I was born, the two got married, thinking that it would be the path to a fresh start, but it only worsened.

Each day, they would fight about even the littlest things until it gets bigger. At some point, dad started to throw mum’s vases to piss her off as mum played along and ruined his car. That’s how childish they acted. Even more childish than I was.

Until I guess things got real bad, and the divorce papers were approved. That was the day I regretted that I wasn’t adopted, thinking that maybe if they had followed their parents’ suggestion, then at least I’d be given to a family that really wanted a kid, and not have the kid for the sake of it.