"well, that was fun, wasn't it?" grandpa hammond said as he and everyone else finished up their dinner at chili's. "hey, where's raven?" dawson said, sensing trouble with her daughter who wasn't sitting at the table with the family. he looked around and his nightmares came true. raven was being a whore and flirting with some waiter, with the name tag "aj". suddenly a half of a baked potato flew through the air of the restaurant, knocking aj in the head and resulting in an immediate concussion. "dad!! that's my boyfriend!" raven fucking screeched at him, knowing the baked potato could only belong to him.
"break up with him immediately, you're too young to be dating." dawson said as the half of the baked potato bounced off of aj's head and flew back to dawson, catching it with his mouth and swallowing it whole. "dad, i've had two marriages!?!" she said confizzed. "marriage?? to who?? just wait til i find out who they are." dawson said crossing his arms and mumbling to himself. "i forgot their names." raven said unbothered. they all got into the van and it was silent. "his arms are sweaty, knees week, arms are heavy, there's vomit on his sweater already, moms spaghetti." josh said suddenly rapping eminem. "dad! you're so talented!" merlinda said supporting her father. "i remember when i had a mom." raven said. dawson got war flashbacks.
"we don't talk about mom." dawson said, suddenly looking like he was going to cry. cameron came up and pat his back, the two of them mumbling a faint "no homo". "this is why i'm an alcoholic." raven said as she chugged ten ""water"" bottles, aj coming up and taking them. "honey, you have a problem." he told her, and she paused. "shit u rite. hEY ANTHONY!!" anthony suddenly launched himself through the back window of the van, bouncing off the backseat and into dawson's head. "yea." raven then handed anthony the rest of the water bottles, who took them gladly. "thanks mom!!" he said and swallowed them all entirely, and suddenly launched through the ceiling of the van. "i wish you guys would stop breaking my car." grandpa hammond said as he drove closer to the house.
"who the frick frack diddily dack patty wack snick snack crack pack slack mack quarterback crackerjack biofeedback backtrack thumbtack sidetrack tic-tac do u think u r." raven said said throwing anthony at hammonds head but missing him completely and hitting merlinda, who was sitting behind her instead. "what the fuck." she said pushing anthony's lice body off her. "when will you learn??? when will you lEARN??? THAT YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES." merlinda said getting frustrated. "calm down daughter." her dad, josh said. "no, fuck you guys." she said leaving the family once and for all. "wait, my daughter, i have osteoporosis." raven said, a tear rolling down her eye. "good." merlinda said leaving immediately.
