Alone (On Hold!)

Chapter 6

sorry people!! I decided to delay this chapter after I already posted, if you've already read this I promise I'm going to write new stuff soon!!

************************************************************************************************************************

Chapter 6

"What's going on?" Dr. Silver asked me during my session later that weekend. "You look like you're in deep thought."

"It's been a long weekend," I sighed.

"What happened?"

"Dustin told me he wanted to be with me."

"Really? That's great!" she said, but once she saw my reaction she knew it was anything but great. "What happened?"

"Well I was trying to sneak out after we hooked up on Friday, but he caught me," I started explaining. I always thought it was weird how I told Dr. Silver more than I told Jaymie, but Jaymie was definitely more judgmental so as Dr. Silver and I got closer I started telling her things I wouldn't tell Jaymie. "And then we got into a fight. I yelled at him that I didn't want to be with him after he told me he wanted to and then I left. After that I drove over to Jaymie's and we went to a party where I had sex with this random guy, but when we were having sex all I could think about and see was Dustin."

"You really like him don't you?" she asked after she silently took in my story.

I nodded slowly not wanting to say anything because as much as I liked him, there was no way I was going to be sure he wasn't going to break my heart.

" So why are you so hesitant to let him in?"

"You know why!" I cried.

"No I really don't."

"Ugh!" I let out a frustrated sigh before taking a deep breath and telling her, once again, why I didn't let people in. "I don't let people in because they will just leave me!"

"No they won't. Hope, you have Jaymie, your dad, your mom, and now you have Dustin. All these people are still with you, same with Jack and Lilly and Arielle. These people will never leave you because they love you too much."

"My parents don't love me. If they did they would show it, they would care more about me, and most importantly my mom wouldn't have had an affair and left my dad!"

"So that's why you're afraid to be with Dustin. You saw how your parents' marriage turned out and you didn't want that to happen to you as well."

"It's not just my parents' divorce it was Jason too."

"Jason didn't leave you. He abused you and you took yourself out of the situation, you saved yourself," Dr. Silver said, pointing her pen at me.

"Jason left me. The real him left. He wasn't always that way with me."

"It doesn't matter who he used to be. He was abusive towards you and it put you into a bad situation."

"It doesn't matter, it's not like my whole depression started with Jason and my parent's divorce."

"I know that, but right now its Jason and your parents that are stopping you from being with someone who you have feelings for and who has feelings for you. Hope-"

"Hope, right, my name. It's kind of ironic how my name has no meaning to me what so ever. I have no hope; the things I have gone through have shredded my hope piece by piece."

"Honey, you still have hope," she said taking my hands, "It's just buried beneath your depression."

"So what am I supposed to do?" I whispered.