A Year Without You

15 ~ Her

A/N: Hello everyone! Daily updates are back! That three day break really cleared up my mind and help me push through writing this novel. Thank you for your patience and enjoy the chapter! ~ Mel 

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Her

Day 200 – Not you

For week on my new job, it had slightly difficulty in adjusting to the new city and new environment. I knew no one, and everyone aren't me were stranger. But my co-workers weren't going to last in that status for long, especially Shayne, who was another trainee under the same position as me. Though in the back of my head I knew the position wasn't completely exclusive, yet I did hoped. In the orientation, they did clear out the air of how many application they were accommodating for the job – which was five. Looking at the faces of my fellow apprentices, I saw a spark of competitiveness in their eyes. Obviously all of us were accepted for the job, but to get recognition from our mentors would be another matter.

It has been nearly two months since we've been in this position. Based on the contract, we'll be here for another month until another three to settle our lives here in preparation for transferring to Italy. Five years wasn't merely a vacation. We were going to be living there like citizens.

Even though it was an inevitable future for me now, in the back of my head, a lingering thought kept on nagging like someone was pounding on a door. I couldn't shook it off at times it crossed my mind. Though these thoughts weren't intrusive, at times, it could make me so frustrated I had to drink a glass of wine to dull it.

What were they? Obviously, they were about Collin – to be specifics – his last words to me. Although I've already made my call and didn't accept his feeling back, it hadn't meant I've lost all feelings towards him. Three years he had been a part if my life. He had been my world for a glimpse, but that notion of thinking no longer applies now. Feelings are fleeting no matter how you admit to yourself it matters when it comes to love. And love is a choice. For when those emotions changed or waver, it's a choice whether you fight to keep it and find a way to fall in love again. But it was no longer the case with us.

Collin had chosen to drift apart even if there was still some emotional connection between us. It was better to leave now before we'd completely lost that respect and love towards each other. It was better to remember him as a man I used to love, than the man I left because I had fall out of love.

And I do. I do love him. Even if I had denied those facts for months, hearing his last words to me before I left town, I knew I love him still. But if I had accepted his feeling and returned to him, nothing would change between us. Even if he had said those words for the shake of keeping me – no matter how noble he sounded – nothing would change. We'd only fall back to the same argument, which led us to fall apart.

After yet another wrecked night, thinking about an current old flame, I walked in to work trying to look normal but failed. Shayne was the kind of person who hardly has any filter and very observant, which was refreshing in a society nearly built on lies and deception, but some lines need to be drawn. And today was that day.

"From the dark circles under your eyes, the messy hair and that yawn, I presumed last night was consisted a glass – no two or three maybe – of wine. Were you dreaming about your ex again?"

"Stop talking. I'm not in the mood to be psychologically analyze by you – especially you."

He held up his hands sheepishly. "I apologize. I've overlooked the mood swing as well."