Accidentally on purpose

Chapter 5

I feel like I'm just missing

Something whenever you leave

We've got all the ingredients

Except you loving me

Steve stood outside Nick Fury's office, discussing a previous mission with Fury as the sound of high heels were coming from further down the corridor. Both Steve and Fury turned their heads to look only to see Natasha approach them both, carrying a few files in her hands. She gave Steve a nod before turning to Fury. "Some files with information regarding that mission we spoke about earlier." Natasha said and handed Nick the files. "Good." Nick said and Steve stared at Natasha. She didn't even look his way. "Would that be all, agent Romanoff?" Nick asked, earning a nod from Natasha before he disappeared into his office. Natasha immediately turned to Steve. "Don't look at me like that." She said seriously, making Steve frown a little. "How can I not after last night?" He said a little more quietly and Natasha shook her head, looking down at the ground. "May I remind you we're at work and that your girlfriend is too? It's not like you got home to her yesterday." Natasha said and Steve nodded, understanding her point. "Speaking of the devil.." Natasha mumbled as Sharon walked past them in the corridor and stopped as soon as she saw Steve. "There you are!" Sharon burst out, luckily not sounding mad. "I was worried when I didn't hear from you all night. But I assume there was a lot of work?" Sharon said, looking at Steve a bit proudly before turning her eyes to Natasha. "Agent Romanoff." She said, giving Natasha a small smile and a nod. Natasha returned the favour. "Yeah, it's been a busy night. The mission lasted longer than expected." Steve said. Sharon smiled. "That's alright." She said, grabbing Steve's hand. Natasha bit her teeth together as she stared down at their fingers laced together. Only a few hours ago, she had woken up holding that hand tightly in her own. "I have some business to attend." Natasha said, giving both of them a nod before walking down the corridor. Sharon could then embrace Steve even more in a tighter hug. "Maybe you can make it up to me tonight?" She whispered in his ear as Steve brought her a little closer, kissing her neck before raising his look a bit, glancing at Natasha as she walked through the corridor. Natasha suddenly looked over her shoulder, accidentally meeting Steve's eyes as he embraced Sharon so tightly. In those few seconds that Natasha's eyes met his, he could already see something different. Her expression. What he had seen last night was washed away from her face. Her feelings was again hidden, deep down. Natasha disappeared around the corner and Steve focused on Sharon again. "Yes, of course." He said, feeling how Sharon smiled into his shoulder.

Later that night Natasha sat in her couch, changing tv channels every other second. She tried focusing on anything else but her own thoughts, but nothing worked. They still slipped through her mind. The way Steve had held Sharon's hand. She knew exactly how it felt. How good it felt to lace her own fingers together with Steve's. Or Steve kissing Sharon's neck. Natasha knew exactly how those soft lips felt against her own skin. Natasha knew how calming and safe Steve's embrace felt, as if nothing else mattered. How his kisses washed her thoughts away. A kiss from him is what she would have needed right now, to make the thoughts disappear. The thoughts of Steve's hands touching Sharon's soft skin. His lips travelling over her body. His expression as he looked at Sharon. Natasha needed these thoughts to desperately go away. She knew she was being unfair. She had no right to even think like this. She was the other woman after all. She was the one making the mistake, along with Steve. Sharon was innocent in this. Still, it didn't feel like a mistake to Natasha which is what confused her. Natasha sighed deeply, dragging a hand through her hair before turning off the tv. She decided to take a walk in the cold night air. Maybe it would put her mind on something else for a while even though she knew that was very unlikely.

Steve was laying on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Sharon slept peacefully beside him. He glanced over at her, smiling a little. He really did love this woman, which is why he had stayed with her for so many years. After everything that happened with Peggy, he thought he'd never love anyone else again. Then, Sharon came along and he realised that maybe there's more than just one true love for everyone in this world. And now oddly, when he had spent so many years being happy with Sharon, Natasha stepped into his life. Well, she had been in his life for several years but only now, it became different. Before Steve even met Sharon, he had had his eyes on that redhead. There was something about her that had driven him extremely curious and interested. She was a mystery that he wanted to solve. Now he wondered, what would have happened if he and Natasha had gotten together in the beginning? Would he even have been with Sharon for these years? Would he even have glanced her way? Back then however, Steve was absolutely certain he wouldn't ever have the chance to be with someone like Natasha. He still doubted that actually. He had no idea exactly how Natasha felt for him. She wasn't one for opening up easily but he guessed he was the same way in the current situation. He loved being with Natasha and he didn't mean just while having sex. He always became happier when she was around. She was his best friend. No one understood him as well as she did. Not even Sharon. Then again, was Steve more than just a friend to Natasha? Would she ever want something more than sex? That he didn't know. They were close friends, but Steve doubted Natasha would feel something more than that for him. Or did she? Steve sighed loudly, a bit too loud. Sharon moved a little in her sleep and Steve licked his dry lips. The fact that he was even wondering over the fact if his best friend would ever love him as more than a friend while lying next to his girlfriend was pretty much insane. Steve slowly got out of bed and put on some pants and a shirt. He simply couldn't sleep with all of these thoughts haunting his mind.

Steve decided to go for a walk, which he usually did as his thoughts messed up his head. Though the cold night air didn't clear his mind but instead reminded him of something. The last time he had left Sharon home while taking a late night walk was the night he bumped into Natasha at that bar. Where it all had begun. Or maybe that was a lie. They may have kissed in that bar, but the reason to why he wanted to kiss her started years ago. That mystery that entered his mind back then. The longing for something more. It was things like this that made him question if everything actually did happen for a reason or not.

Steve looked down at his feet while walking with his hands deeply buried in his pockets to shield them from the cold. "Steve?" A voice suddenly said, making Steve look up startled. "What the hell are you doing here?" Steve was surprised to see Natasha sitting on a park bench a meter away with a Starbucks cup in her hands. "I was taking a walk." Steve said as he walked up to her and Natasha frowned. "Me too." She said and Steve raised his eyebrows a bit, inhaling some cold air. Neither of them was that surprised over them bumping into each other everywhere. It happens so often that they don't even question it anymore. "May I?" He asked, gesturing towards the empty place next to her on the bench. Natasha nodded and Steve sat down. Natasha glanced over at Steve a little, seeing something was troubling his mind as well but she didn't dare to ask. "Tea?" She asked and Steve smiled a bit, taking a sip out of her cup before handing it back to her.

They sat quiet for a while, just staring out over the small park. The wind caught the leaves in the trees, making them fall slowly down to the ground. Natasha put down the cup next to her, dragging her coat a little tighter around her body. "What are we doing, Steve?" Natasha asked, her eyes focusing on the leaves falling down from the trees. Steve sighed a little, shaking his head. "I don't know." He admitted, looking at Natasha. She took another sip of her tea before she placed her head on Steve's shoulder. Steve wrapped his arm around her and they sat like that in complete silence for a good while.

It was something unexplainable about that moment. Something too beautiful and too pure for anyone else to understand. Something beautiful in the ugly act that they were doing. Something that made those two broken people feel whole as they sat so close. For the first time that night, both of their thoughts disappeared and everything felt peaceful for a while.

After at least an hour, Natasha took her head off Steve's shoulder and stood up. Steve did the same. Natasha looked into Steve's blue eyes for a while as fear entered her entire body. Though she still managed to keep calm. "You should go home." Natasha said, avoiding adding the "to Sharon" part. Steve nodded. Natasha gave him a soft kiss before turning around immediately, not giving him a last look. She knew that if she did, she wouldn't be able to walk away from him. With every step she took, she felt her legs slowly failing her. The fear spread from her heart out to every part of her body. It had been long since she had been this scared. She wasn't scared of much but this scared her to the bones. She was hopelessly falling for Steve. She was falling hard and it hurt. A lot.